Compromises.

 

 

As I sat on my father’s new lazy boy mindlessly flipping through channels of garbage on my TV screen, I thought back over this past semester and how great it felt to be home doing abso-tootely nothing.

I remember counting down the days before I would make the 20 hour drive back to the Ocean State, and how I was looking forward to laying on our sandy beaches, catching up with friends, bullying my brother and annoying my parents. I can honestly say that proved to be a difficult task, seeing how “a watched pot never boils”, and I found myself aimlessly searching for any and everything else to do rather than the work I was supposed to be doing.

You know… like when I decided it was time to start working on my 12-page research paper after watching 5 episodes of Martin, and immediately made the executive decision that it was more necessary for me to cut up some grapefruit and get it in my belly before writing my paper. Pshht. How did anyone expect me to even THINK about writing my research paper when there was a juicy, luscious, delectable grapefruit waiting for me in the kitchen?

And after finishing the grapefruit, I most definitely had to reward myself for all of the work I had accomplished by listening to some Anita Baker and Lianne La Havas. Watching TV shows and eating fruit are truly strenuous activities that have been proven to be seriously draining.

But..

My heart sank when I peeped my little radio clock.

It was 10:59… PM.. and my paper was due at, oh *coughs* 11am.

Oh, not to worry, I’ll just-

*Skype call*

Oh. This call was important. Turns out my best friend was going through some pret-ty heavy guy troubles. So it was up to me to shift into heroic best friend mode and save the night.

…

What a lengthy introduction. I shall now get to the meat.

What you’ve just read could, on the surface, be perceived as procrastination. But I prefer to view them as compromises. Throughout this academic year (and those passed as well), I found myself making entirely too many compromises that were hindering my achievement and success in the very things that were required of me. I knew that to become a competent and useful member of service to my society, of course it was necessary to complete my academic work and to do it well, just like everything else that is of value in this life. But I was letting entirely too many things photobomb the picture of achievement that I believe God set me on the path towards.

This was not only in the academic sense, but in the intimate details of the fabric of this old quilt, called my life. I saw that through compromises that I made through the “little things” in my life, I was conditioning myself to compromise in the bigger, more private aspects of my existence, namely on the relational level.

Let me explain.

Instead of studying for my exam, I would spend more time socializing with my friends. Instead of creating scaffolds for my presentations, I would rather take a spontaneous trip to an undisclosed location and allow my over analytical mind run rampant through the clutter of worry plaguing my frontal lobe. I would let my thoughts toy through bins of film reels containing old strategies in the pursuit of bliss, and pray through lists of my greatest fears, and turn over the meaning of love through my mind only to end up at the meaning of grace, and how unworthy I was to receive it.

As the suns rays caressed the soft blues and made way for satiny scarlet and flushed coral, I realized that I had been losing chunks of my personality, and that the essence of Aldavina was being chipped away to reveal one who was slowly caving into the ideas of external sources. As one who had become weak enough to allow her being to dissipate from pores that had become permeable and malleable by people who didn’t really know her well enough to understand the extent to which their eight letter phrase was blockaded by the Great Wall off Alda.

I found myself removing the silky shawl of my morals, values and beliefs and exposing myself to the abrasive elements of the awaiting climate of intimate bleakness.

Shortly before I could completely disrobe myself of everything I knew Aldavina to be, I was awakened from my trance by the concept of grace, and experienced how it came through to put together that which had been dismantled, and instill within me the beauty of hope.

Now, many people reading this will probably not completely understand the full extent of what I have just revealed here. But I will leave you with this-

It is better to emit color by preserving ones morals in the face of hostile spectators, than it is to lose oneself by compromising to fit into anyone else’s fancifully constructed silhouette of how you should be.

 

Stay groovy, Kcep Kickin’

-Alda.

Future Tense.

Future Tense.

 

Scores and scores

Of immeasurable pain

Have graced the canvass

of my existence.

 

Adversity and deleterious recalls

spew forth

From my acquired synthetic,

feminist mane.

 

I do not know what it takes

to fertilize A potential

neonatal affection,

But I desire that Yahweh sees fit to birth-

An inseparable, attainable connection,

That’ll erase my venomous recollection,

And unveil the scarlet curtains of protection,

And in the understanding of my heavenly election,

Putting away the past misconception

That I’ve held towards all men.

 

Through my identity in the Most High,

I have been initiated into the laboratory

Of the beginning stages of what it is to love.

Of what it is to relinquish embedded pride-

And yield to the opposing tide

That desires to encompass around my every side

That I may be strengthened by God to be able to abide

In Him.

 

The flaming adversary within me

generated by my own self,

will only then be crushed

and make way for vulnerability.

And peace,

And bliss,

And inestimable joy

And will then be able to round the sharp edges of my being,

Encasing my priceless gift

In a precious vessel of beryl emerald,

Sealed with divine light,

Only to be exposed by the one who desires closeness with Elohim.

 

 

And though the journey be long,

And the sands of time fade,

May Yahweh’s love abound

unhindered by self indulgence,

and fleshly desires,

societal pressures,

and unabashed liars.

 

Stay Groovy. Keep Kickin’

-Alda.

‘Tis the Season to Be… In Love?

Aha. Here come the warm weather, and here come the Burlesque Balloon Women eager to show off their skin. Get ready single men, it may be a long, frustrating, sensually provocative summer.

Everywhere you go, there is a reoccurring theme of what?

-Love.

In every movie there is a damsel in distress awaiting her salvation from the hands of an evil man who really has too much time on his hands, and way too much energy to go out of his way to kidnap people and make everything so much more difficult for everyone else. =_= . Take Fast and Furious 6, for example (which I watched last night in a crowded theatre in Providence along with about 1.2 billion steamy people). I won’t say too much for the people who haven’t watched it yet, but here we can see homeboy’s girl, who he thought was dead, resurface who knows where, and sexy (and a bit too bulky) Dwayne Johnson SEARCHIN for hot tamale Vin Diesel to get him to help a brotha out. This propels sir hot tamale into a state of action. Had homegirl not been involved, he would have gladly declined the mission. And so would his friends.

So what was the point of that seemingly lengthy tangent? Well. I said that to say this- I went to watch this movie and it was about

-Love.

I walked out of the theatre and I saw couples blissfully sauntering away in:

-Love.

 I turned on pandora in my car and the first song that came on was about- love. I came home and the first thing that I thought about was -you guessed it-love. 

So, if you’re single, like me, and all you see around you is cotton candy, love bugs, and cupids, you may not necessarily feel the love yourself. All you can do is see it from the outside standpoint of a foreigner.

That’s not to say that we haven’t “been in” or “experienced” love. Which we might have. But too often than not, in today’s society, because of our insecurities, impatience, or even involuntary acceptance of a partner, we have brought ourselves to a state of confusion when it comes to this word, love. How do I know this? Well. Take a look at the current divorce rates- which I’m sure has to probably be a little over 50% by now.

In our generation, we have made the difference between love and lust indistinguishable. I really want to gear this post more towards our women today. I’m talking about real love, which is ONLY recognizable when we see our place in relation to God’s Magnificence. 

True Love: Welp. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am currently not ready for a relationship. Why? Because I have not truly grasped the essence of what True Love actually is. But I have gotten to the point where I have learned that  in order to recognize True Love, I have to FIRST understand God’s love towards me, that way I will not only be able to identify that love reflected by someone else, but be able to reciprocate it as well.

Once we understand the true sacricificial meaning of what love is, then we can put ourselves in a place where we are one smidge closer to where God needs us to be in preparing us for interconnectedness with one another. That being said, we need to pause, right now, and evaluate our places. Are you a slave to lust? Pull yourself away from the hustle and bustle of society and REALLY think about this right now. Are your actions in tune with that of a woman (or man, for the men reading this) who has finally been brought to a place of spiritual awareness? Hmm. Here’s a simple test to figure that out.

Alright this is what you do- Stand up. Close your eyes. Place your hands on your hips. Then ask yourself: Is God enough?

Aha. Here’s where many of us fail this test. And here is where I failed the test every time I got into a relationship because I never believed that God was enough. Many of us females think that we need men to validate us, or that being in a relationship will somehow flick us back up a point value system adopted by nonfactor judges. Many of us are searching for our “other halves” when #1- Eve never searched for Adam, but was brought/led to Him by God, and #2- Who said we are missing a whole HALF of ourselves? Shoot, that other “Half” better be the character of Jesus! Haha ok but no, in all honesty, I believe that we are not to look to others for definition, but merely for the purpose of complimenting our lives. Eve complimented Adam. She was sent to be his “helpmeet”, not “helpmeat”. (See what I did there?)

And then we have the issue of women seeking to be in relationships simply for the “glitz and glamour” of what they expect it to be. They want to get with the best looking guy who plays hard to get but in reality, doesn’t even value the woman. We’re addicted to the chase. We feel entitled to get what we want- even though it might not be the best thing for us. Every woman, whether they admit it or not, likes a good challenge. The rush of the experience brings us to a feeling of euphoria, which stimulates our endurance for the pursuit. But when our endurance declines, reality sets in.

If we spent more time looking within ourselves and truly asking Yahweh to reveal the things within us that need to be tweaked, then we might increase our chances for happiness through the power of discernment. A closer relationship with God comes with greater wisdom. Had we learned this a long time ago, we would have been able to evade a lot of unfavorable experiences we have found ourselves enduring  in the past. But you know. Everyone is into the whole “well, let me learn from my mistakes” when true wisdom lies not only in learning from your own, but evading those mistakes and cutting straight to the lesson though the observation of the mistakes of others. 

Think of it this way. What sense does it make for us to spend our time, energy, effort and resources to figure out how to make a lightbulb, when it has already been invented? What we should be spending time on is learning various ways that we can improve the quality of that bulb. 

So this post is turning out a long longer than I wanted it to. The last thing I want to say is this- Ladies? Don’t be blinded by the superficial face value of what a relationship is- i.e. cuddling, physical intimacy, kissing, some more physical intimacy and playing Bonnie and Clyde with your boyfriend. Work on developing something long lasting, and of higher value that will guarantee your happiness in your not too distant future. Have patience. Relax, focus on achieving your immediate goals, and remember, God IS enough. Focus on Him, and all good things will surely follow.

First day of Summer: Friday, June 21st, 2013

Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin’
-Alda.

(Initial post written: May 26, 2013)

A Different Kind of Woman.

I was privileged to speak with Pastor Lola Moore, a woman in Ministry, on a brisk spring morning via FaceBook… at 4am. I had a couple of questions that had been on my mind for a while, and I thought, who better to ask than someone who’s life’s episode was currently tuned into the same experiences that I was wondering about?

I asked Pastor Moore about “The whole- ‘Single Women in Minsitry’ Shebang”, where I wanted to know what were some of the challenges that she faced being a single female Pastor on the ministry front. I also asked her if she was worried, or found herself asking the Lord when the right time would be for her in regards to finding a mate. She was more than kind enough to privilege me with her response, and was also more than happy  to allow me to share it right here. So y’all are getting first hand experience on what it’s like out there from a primary source! This was Pastor Lola’s response:

• “Ministry is interesting as a person. The difference in gender isn’t felt by me. It’s felt by those I minister to. Same as being a woman in college. No felt difference by you, you’re just in school. Make sense?  I’m just in ministry…doing what I was born to do. Now, my colleagues tend to pastor differently. I’m more of a “new/young mother” with my congregation. They’re “on my hip” as I handle business. I want to know if the church is spiritually healthy; are the people growing in Jesus? I’m proud and giddy over little things. I have to discipline them sometimes. Guys don’t traditionally do that- they see the church more as a machine. A car even. They want to put hydraulics on it…make it BIG and fast…lol!  They are into fast, undeniable growth. I’m into slow, organic growth. I think all ladies are different but I’ve seen the dynamic manifested in several ladies.

           I’m single but I have colleagues who are not. Either can be difficult. I personally think singleness is a blessing and a curse in ministry. It’s a blessing to be able to travel and do as I’m called to. Not to have to answer for late nights, early mornings, etc. However, I carry the stress of leadership alone. No one to vent to. No one who will have my back when I make mistakes or preach a horrible sermon.

          On the flip, my married colleagues are called upon to balance their churches and their families. They must be mom to their kids at home AND their kids at church. They are moms so they have to be as loving and supportive as your mom AND run a church. The call is HIGH!
So, your journey will have similarities as well as unique experiences. My advice is to stay EXTRA CLOSE to Jesus!!! He will help you navigate the unique journey He has planned.” 

I then asked Pastor Moore this question: 

• Do you find it difficult to not “worry” about the Lord sending you the man you’re supposed to be with?
  I mean, we all know that “good things come to those who wait upon the Lord” and all that jazz, but that doesn’t make it any easier on us when we really don’t have any conception of the timing of God?

And this was her response, and a very wise approach, if I may say the least:

• “I don’t worry about God sending the right person. I recognize that, had I been more patient, “he” may have already been here. The process is less about God sending him as it is about God preparing me! Am I ready to be a good wife, in light of my calling, to the man God has designated? Am I ready to be doubly yoked as Pastor and mother? Am I willing to care for my husband and handle the business of the church? The right one will come, but am I ready to be the right one for him?”

Wow. What a perspective. Often times, we find ourselves craving the superficial face values of relationships that we forget about the broader spectrum of what the end result should be. Before God can send men their “helpmeet”, He has to make sure they’re absolutely geared up for what they are about to get into. 

First thing is always first. We must begin asking these questions to ourselves, and wait patiently for the Lord to impress His convictions upon us. We must ask Him to reveal the issues that we need to deal with that we aren’t too ready to accept in order to prepare us as women winning souls for the Kingdom, and also to prepare us as perfect women for our men. Before Yahweh can send you someone who is good for you, you must in turn be good for him. At this stage in our lives, many of us women serve the purpose of being a better stumbling block, tripping up our men, and as an obstacle to distract and divert our men from achieving and attending to the higher callings in their lives. Others are set-ups, luring men in with sensuality and trapping them with lust disguised as love. We MUST strive to be better women. Actually, let me not say the word “strive” because that implies “trying”. We must not “try” to be better women, we must BE better women. They do say that you often attract what you exude, so let us emit the character of God, excrete the ambitions of a woman with a purpose,  conceal our hormone induced sensuality, and acquire the ability to wait upon the Lord not solely on the basis of relationships, but be able to truly trust Him enough to believe that He will make decisions that are of the best intentions.

-Alda.

*Courtesy of Pastor Lola Moore
-Thank You for sharing your perspective.

 

(May 29, 2013)

Cut the Crap.

Men?

Men should be the dominant force in a relationship. They should be the ones who:

1) Pursue the woman.
2) Have a desire to provide for the woman.
3) Protect the woman.

Since when did it become okay for these roles to reverse? I really feel like society does a pretty good job of skewing the minds of those who unknowingly subject themselves to such ideals through various mediums.

I see too many women today pursing the men- which I believe places men in a position where they become visually impaired when it comes to perceiving the value of a woman. I believe that if a man does not work laboriously for a woman, he is more than likely to push her to the wayside, and easily move on with his business.

Think about it. How much more will you appreciate something if you’ve exhausted every fiber of your being to obtain it?

A man who endures the most strenuous of hardships will, in the process, develop a passion, commitment, and undying love for the woman in which all of his time, resources, and energy are enervated.

But moving past this point- I do have a bone to pick with the gentlemen. (And this can apply for the ladies as well).

Too many men claim that there aren’t many “worthy” females out there who are deserving of their love and attention. I believe this is because all of our priorities are twisted. If you are a man, let’s say, in your early to late 20’s, you should be at the point where you should have been mature enough to make a conscious decision to realize that it is time to stop fooling around, and start putting together the foundation of which your family is to be built upon. If you’ve got a shaky foundation, you can be sure to count me out.

Stop chasing after these females who have it all put together on the exterior, but who have shattered pieces of emotional baggage that excrete out of every single one of their pores. You can tell when a woman has not matured properly. Many of them may possess the age that one is expected to have matured, but the full potential thereof has not been effectively manifested within them. But this particular facet of discernment only comes along with ones willingness to progress spiritually, and intellectually.

In other words? Cut the crap with this childish mentality. Or you’ll be in your late 30’s and in the beginning stages of really discovering who you are. And by then, you’d have a lot more hard lessons to learn in the latter stages of life. So make it easier for yourself now, and actively pursue character development.

Lastly, hop out of the kiddy pool, put on your grown up trunks and begin socializing with the grown folk. There’s a whole lot you can learn from the older generation that will give you the tools you need to sift through the nonsense that some females are ready to gift you with.

And here’s the thing, when you find a woman of value (and this is the initial inspiration of this whole post today), please, I BEG of you- invest in her. The fruits that you will reap afterwards will be exponential compared to the nonfactors you are currently dealing with. Proverbs 18:22 tells us that
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” It didn’t say “He who finds a bad B**** who can twerk has found himself a treasure”. Discard your fleshly desires and focus on that which will contribute to your genuine happiness and the longevity of your marriage in the long run.

Ok- final thought- Don’t be scared when you find that woman of value. And don’t be intimidated either. Ask God to equip you with His wisdom in order for you to be a spiritual pillar in her life. You are to desire to be purged of that which you were, and be willing to adopt the identity of the ultimate Master Teacher. But be honest with yourself- if you aren’t ready yet, please do not put yourself, or that woman, into a position where another wound is introduced that will delay this beautiful developmental experience.

Women?

Now, I’m not going to say much because I think I got out most of what I wanted to say to the men. But here it is- we women should be the ones who:

1) Direct our attention to the active pursuit of a GODLY man.
2) Prepare spiritually to be a helpmeet for the man.
3) Cater to the needs of our amazing Husbands (this does NOT mean be his slave, gals)
4) Be supportive of our men- this also includes understanding/respecting his ideas, and being sensitive to his needs.

I could actually go on and on, but I don’t think that’s necessary… for now.

I think that we women have made our men lazy. We have contributed in many ways to facilitating the adoption of various ideals that they currently hold. Because of many of OUR failed attempts, we now sit here- leaping and thirsting for all the wrong attention.

First of all, what we need to do as women is simply this-

STOP.

Stop pursuing the men. Stop doing the utmost for attention. Stop exposing our bodies (like I said- these are things that we are doing that are conditioning our men to accept these standards). Stop chasing after thug life because the thug life most definitely hasn’t and doesn’t need to choose us. Just stop woman.

I don’t understand why it is so difficult for us to be cognizant our worth, and to act accordingly. We are worth far more than the rarest of stones and storehouses of treasure… now… can we stop opening up our storerooms to those who only have the interest of looting that which is not theirs to begin with?

And I’m tired of this whole “there’s no good men out there” mentality. There are plenty of good, Godly men out there. You’ve just decided to turn a blind eye towards them and redirect your attention to the warty frog sitting on your doorstep with a bottle of peach ciroc and a handful of unwanted guests. WAKE UP!

Stop wasting time with those who’s actions don’t match up to the words that come out of their pieholes. Happiness awaits. And you’re taking too long getting ready.

My point is this, ladies. Before you get into a relationship, please, please recognize your worth. Don’t go around seeking for validation from another man because honestly? That’s when you WILLINGLY stomp your foot in the middle of a bear trap. Good luck recovering from that escapade.

Let the man work for you. and this is not to say – oh yeah, go around and be difficult and act like a complete fool- no. If you show him how serious you are about where you are headed in life, if he is a Godly man, he will respect that.

Challenge him to become aware of your worth. Then let him decide if he wants to be a part of the great successes that God already has in store for you.

Give him a peek at the blueprint of your empire. And if he isn’t a complete fool, he’ll want to tag along and offer his strength and commitment to helping you build it.

A Woman’s Cup is Always Half Full.

Women are optimists.

I’m sure any male reading this post is probably laughing at this opening statement, but I’ll explain why I believe this to be true.

Have you ever wondered why girls are attracted to “bad boys”? Well, this can be explained using the “Half-Full postulation“. This theory essentially asserts that women are attracted to “bad boys” simply because they see the potential infusion of a transformative “good” in them.

As women, it is in our character to be nurturing, loving, caring, and to be obsessed with compulsive (and often subconscious) modification of people in general. (This does not account for ALL women, of course, but just follow along). That being established, what this premise supports is the idea that women who find themselves attracted to the same “bad boys”, are the very ones who possess the qualities of the women described in the “Half-Full postulation“ .

Many women find themselves seeking love from certain “bad boys”, and allowing themselves to be subjected to unhealthy and unproductive stagnated relationships not because they are “blinded” per se, (please refer to my What a Man Needs to Know  post regarding women knowing exactly what their intentions are at all times) but because they are naturally attracted, by way of their nurturing inherent character, to the potential product that a man could possibly turn out to be. Sometimes we think that if we just stick along for long enough, the man, through our guidance and assistance, will somehow arrive at the  intersection of “Aha!” and “reformation” and magically become what we want them to be.

Many of us naturally gravitate to the good in people, namely men. We have undying faith that they will be what we imagine them to be. But this recurrently proves to be worthy to be thrown upon a pile of futile attempts at the prospect of successful escapades. And because we have been this way for so long, we do not consider our circumstances dysfunctional. Little do we realize, this is because we have lived in dysfunction for so long that we have become used to it, and then attracted to it.

And then we wonder why we aren’t attracted to the “good guys”.

You see, the “good guys” do not fall under any inclusive compartment of the “Half-Full postulation“. They just don’t exist. Why? Because there is nothing to change in these men. There is no challenge presented, there is no “saving” that needs to occur… they don’t need our “help”. So because these men have not proven to be worthy of our nurturing, we turn our attention over to the men that do need it: The Bad Boys. These are the men that we trail after in order to redirect them onto the straight and narrow. But there is one thing that we forget.

Those of us women who fall under the “Half-Full postulation“ fail to realize one thing. It has never been, nor will it ever be our job to fix anyone. And it is also most definitely not our job to fix anyone that:
1) Doesn’t want to be fixed or
2) Doesn’t think they need any fixing.

The most we can do for these men is to pray that the Lord finds a way to reach their hearts, and begin true, fulfilling and effective transformative restoration within these men. But we’ve also got to pray for ourselves as well…

Women who fall under this postulation are at great risk for the following:
1) Time wasted on futile attempts to “change” men.
2) Wasted energy towards dead end experiences.
3) Any chance with prospects that do not fall under the “Half-Full“ premise, namely, “good men“.
4) Perpetual unhappiness due to repeated scarring of the heart, and barring any healing from occurring because of the lack of awareness that one falls under the “Half-Full“ theory.
5) Perennial disappointment.

So… how do we recover?

Welp. The first step to recovery, I believe, is admitting that, after all these years of going through the same failed experiences with men, there must be something wrong with the way that we have been dealing with our relationships. Then, I believe that there is value in taking a hiatus from the dating field, and using that time to truly reflect on the common denominators (including the red flags in your relationship) across your past partnerships, and allowing that reflection process to further shape your character. The process may be painstaking, but you’ll be a lot taller after all your growing pains. I also believe that it is important to understand where one’s identity lies, and if that identity is in Christ, you’ll begin to see yourself more and more in need of improvement when juxtaposed with His perfection. When you allow yourself to be open to reformation through Christ, you’ll definitely be saved from a lot of heartaches, and a lot of money from tubs of Oreo ice cream.

-Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin’

-Alda.

Spoiled Goods.

           

 

Where to start, where to start, where to START? 

I’m sure we can all distinctly remember a time when the dynamics of our daily regimen took a bit of a shift when that certain someone was introduced to our life. You know- your phone was no longer dry… you began texting back and forth, you had phone conversations with them (if you’re lucky, because in this day and age, people don’t really do that anymore), but most importantly, they became a new element in the structure of your daily living.

And I bet you remember putting forth the best of yourself, because, you know, it’s always important to make a great and lasting first impression.

As time went on, both parties became a little bit more comfortable, and with that comfort came a sense of warmth that had both parties removing layers of themselves, getting closer to the point where the raw elements of one’s pneuma lay…

The more time you spent with this person, the closer you became, and thanks to your emotions, you became intertwined with the very essence of who they were, which now formed a new but excitingly familiar bond between the two of you…

You began as friends… but of course, through the process of getting to know them, an even higher purpose began setting into place. You were both aiming to determine the extent to which your compatibility would withstand the tests of a relationship…

Your familiarity with one another gave you a sense of comfort, so you finally stripped down to the second to last veil that ever so liberally graced your inner soul… and a true assessment was allocated to each party…

You see, up until this point, you’ve gone down your checklist to make sure if he had successfully executed each any every requirement that was needed to admit him to the next stage. He passed the investment stage. He passed the consistency stage. The intellectual stimulation stage. The hygienic stage.. etc. But now he’s at the point where he must conduct himself in a particular manner when faced with the stage in which your sensuality is found peaking out from an unlocked Pandora’s box. And so, you wait…

You know he’s attracted to your intellect. You know that he finds you to be a God fearing woman. And you know he’s attracted to you- physically. So. What keeps you at the top of his list when he begins to think about intimacy?

For starters, here’s one thing we need to keep in mind. Physical attraction is most definitely a must in a relationship. After all, it would be difficult later on down the line when you have to start a family with the other person. BUT- this factor should not override the other qualities that you need to consider when dating someone.

When it comes to men, we’ve already established that they’re visual beings. That being said, that is probably going to be one of the first things they hone in on when choosing a mate. But here’s the thing though- when a man becomes heavily attracted to your physique, though he may love other qualities about you, this may overshadow those important and valuable qualities that you have. And of course, this can be very detrimental to not only your relationship, but your spiritual stability as well. A man should be attracted to you physically. But if he considers this particular quality as icing on the cake, and not the cake in its entirety, then he should be able to respect the boundaries that must be set at the beginning of the relationship in order to keep both parties pure and emotionally in tact. Because we all know that the minute things get too intimate, the dynamics of the whole relationship shift drastically, and things get complicated.

So. In conclusion, ladies? Keep your goodies tightly wrapped and stowed away in a closet at room temperature. We all know that excessive heat spoils the goods- so you might want to keep that in mind the next time things get hot and steamy…

Keep Kickin. Stay groovy.

-Alda.