Emotionally Drained.

 

Have you ever wanted something for so long that you grew a profound distaste for everything associated to the object of your initial desire?

Just thinking about the countless emotional vacuums I have willingly placed myself in is enough to make me feel so out of breath right now. Literally. I’m panting.

I think that people my age are in an interesting place. We’re all at a crucial stage where we are about to or have already graduated, well on our way to dipping right into our career, and are all faced with the same question.

When?

To men, they must deal with the pressures of solidifying current relationships into the category of intense courtship and engagement, or are coaxed into relational distress by being pushed to be more aggressive in their search for morally, upstanding “wifey” material.

Women, on the other hand, are looked at through the expecting eyes of people who are not close enough to be asking relationship questions, but not stranger enough to dodge immediately after church service. We’ve all seen it. Everyone nosily makes their way towards you, asks you a couple of dry, academically related questions, and then swiftly cut to the meat of their meddlesome motives.

Their comments dance around themes such as,

“Who’s the lucky guy” or, “is there anyone special in your life right now” – I’ve even had someone glance at my left hand with an almost unintelligible “hmph”. Almost.

I recently caught myself slipping. Pressed. And in a state of slight desperation upon somehow being convinced that my biological clock had already began ticking, and that it was my responsibility to do something about it.

I thought about the source of such frenzied thoughts that were spurring some very unattractive behaviors on my end. And thus began a process of self-examination. And I must say, I wasn’t too happy with the findings.

Two things happened as a result of my hasty pursuit in this relational mission. I was made to believe that my value lay in that of my attachment to a man, and that if I didn’t get my act together, I’d have nothing to accompany me in my old age but the offbeat creaks of my ageing rocking chair, and a very leaky roof.

After my high-energy go-mode, I inevitably entered crash-mode.

In my attempt to secure sure footing and illumination regarding “The One”, I was making sure to test all possible avenues before resting upon one that was of high morale, and that was “husband material”. But after each and every interpersonal communication I had with various young men, I kept finding something “wrong” with each and every one of them. Towards the end of the mark, I had already run myself into emotional exhaustion, and all of my sentiments began running right into each other. I achieved relational overload.

Now, this was a painstakingly, frustrating phase to be in, as I completely lost sight of self. I forgot who I was, and before I knew it, there I was trifling with hearts; leading people to believe that I was interested in pursuing a relationship with them when in fact, I really couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was not ready for a relationship, nor was I interested in the prospect of even securing anything long-term with them. I was more prepared to choose a red velvet cupcake over the very thought of being with someone else.

So what happened?

Well. The first step to recovery is admitting it. So that’s what I did. I admitted that I had a problem. Next, I had to Woman-up to the responsibility of communicating my intentions (or lack there-of) to the young men I was communicatively involved with. Then, I had to endure the silence.

I think the cure to any case of emotional drainage is to simply learn to live in the quietude of those moments after letting go. Which is hard to do. Why? Because we as humans always feel the need to occupy our minds with something to do in order to feel like progress is being made, and changes are taking place. But I assure you, adapting to the silence will be your greatest feat in achieving healing from this taxing engagement.

I firmly believe that obsessing over anything can then deem that which you are obsessing over as an addiction. So there is a very good chance that you are addicted to searching for your “soul mate”- especially if you find yourself revolving every point of your life around such an “accomplishment”.

But even in overcoming any addiction, or just like anything else you extract from the flesh, which is not beneficial to you, you must replace it with something. So. Once you get rid of emotional baggage, there is only one thing to do to make sure you don’t fall into the same trap again.

Solution: Get into another relationship.

But not just any old relationship. You gotta get into one that requires a whole lot of dedication, persistence and one that teaches you the true meaning of service. You must get into a relationship with your true Soul Mate that has the ultimate ability to restore you and reform you into the person that you are called to be in life. You must get into a relationship with Someone who is going to change you so much that you begin acting like, and reflecting Them. This is a relationship that will completely change the outlook and perspectives that you formerly had on what relationships are supposed to be all about. This will be a relationship that requires you to submit every single last ounce of your physical, mental, and emotional capabilities.

Then, once you get into this relationship, the crowning lesson that you will extract from it will be that of sacrifice. And that, my friend, is when you truly understand what love is all about. Sacrifice.

And THEN, after you’ve learned about sacrifice from being in this relationship, you are permitted to get into another relationship. Simultaneously. I firmly believe that every person should be in two relationships at the same time. It’s only healthy. No relationship is guaranteed true success if there aren’t three people involved at all times.

So, you gotta get into a self-sacrificing, secure, life altering relationship with Christ before you get into a relationship with anyone else. That’s the formula for filling your well back up with the good stuff, and making sure that this time, it doesn’t get drained by non-factor sources that really shouldn’t have had access to it in the first place.

So what am I saying after 1095 words or so? I’m saying- Breathe. Stretch. Shake. Let people go. Learn to live in and appreciate solitude. Know that you’re still young. Know that God has someone ideal for you, and He wouldn’t withhold your “good thing” from you unless you willingly and actively place yourself in a position where you aren’t mature or developed enough to receive it, let alone maintain it. So if you’re emotionally drained, you’re not ready for a relationship. That’s all.

 

Stay groovy, Keep Kickin’.

-Alda.

Future Tense.

Future Tense.

 

Scores and scores

Of immeasurable pain

Have graced the canvass

of my existence.

 

Adversity and deleterious recalls

spew forth

From my acquired synthetic,

feminist mane.

 

I do not know what it takes

to fertilize A potential

neonatal affection,

But I desire that Yahweh sees fit to birth-

An inseparable, attainable connection,

That’ll erase my venomous recollection,

And unveil the scarlet curtains of protection,

And in the understanding of my heavenly election,

Putting away the past misconception

That I’ve held towards all men.

 

Through my identity in the Most High,

I have been initiated into the laboratory

Of the beginning stages of what it is to love.

Of what it is to relinquish embedded pride-

And yield to the opposing tide

That desires to encompass around my every side

That I may be strengthened by God to be able to abide

In Him.

 

The flaming adversary within me

generated by my own self,

will only then be crushed

and make way for vulnerability.

And peace,

And bliss,

And inestimable joy

And will then be able to round the sharp edges of my being,

Encasing my priceless gift

In a precious vessel of beryl emerald,

Sealed with divine light,

Only to be exposed by the one who desires closeness with Elohim.

 

 

And though the journey be long,

And the sands of time fade,

May Yahweh’s love abound

unhindered by self indulgence,

and fleshly desires,

societal pressures,

and unabashed liars.

 

Stay Groovy. Keep Kickin’

-Alda.

‘Tis the Season to Be… In Love?

Aha. Here come the warm weather, and here come the Burlesque Balloon Women eager to show off their skin. Get ready single men, it may be a long, frustrating, sensually provocative summer.

Everywhere you go, there is a reoccurring theme of what?

-Love.

In every movie there is a damsel in distress awaiting her salvation from the hands of an evil man who really has too much time on his hands, and way too much energy to go out of his way to kidnap people and make everything so much more difficult for everyone else. =_= . Take Fast and Furious 6, for example (which I watched last night in a crowded theatre in Providence along with about 1.2 billion steamy people). I won’t say too much for the people who haven’t watched it yet, but here we can see homeboy’s girl, who he thought was dead, resurface who knows where, and sexy (and a bit too bulky) Dwayne Johnson SEARCHIN for hot tamale Vin Diesel to get him to help a brotha out. This propels sir hot tamale into a state of action. Had homegirl not been involved, he would have gladly declined the mission. And so would his friends.

So what was the point of that seemingly lengthy tangent? Well. I said that to say this- I went to watch this movie and it was about

-Love.

I walked out of the theatre and I saw couples blissfully sauntering away in:

-Love.

 I turned on pandora in my car and the first song that came on was about- love. I came home and the first thing that I thought about was -you guessed it-love. 

So, if you’re single, like me, and all you see around you is cotton candy, love bugs, and cupids, you may not necessarily feel the love yourself. All you can do is see it from the outside standpoint of a foreigner.

That’s not to say that we haven’t “been in” or “experienced” love. Which we might have. But too often than not, in today’s society, because of our insecurities, impatience, or even involuntary acceptance of a partner, we have brought ourselves to a state of confusion when it comes to this word, love. How do I know this? Well. Take a look at the current divorce rates- which I’m sure has to probably be a little over 50% by now.

In our generation, we have made the difference between love and lust indistinguishable. I really want to gear this post more towards our women today. I’m talking about real love, which is ONLY recognizable when we see our place in relation to God’s Magnificence. 

True Love: Welp. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am currently not ready for a relationship. Why? Because I have not truly grasped the essence of what True Love actually is. But I have gotten to the point where I have learned that  in order to recognize True Love, I have to FIRST understand God’s love towards me, that way I will not only be able to identify that love reflected by someone else, but be able to reciprocate it as well.

Once we understand the true sacricificial meaning of what love is, then we can put ourselves in a place where we are one smidge closer to where God needs us to be in preparing us for interconnectedness with one another. That being said, we need to pause, right now, and evaluate our places. Are you a slave to lust? Pull yourself away from the hustle and bustle of society and REALLY think about this right now. Are your actions in tune with that of a woman (or man, for the men reading this) who has finally been brought to a place of spiritual awareness? Hmm. Here’s a simple test to figure that out.

Alright this is what you do- Stand up. Close your eyes. Place your hands on your hips. Then ask yourself: Is God enough?

Aha. Here’s where many of us fail this test. And here is where I failed the test every time I got into a relationship because I never believed that God was enough. Many of us females think that we need men to validate us, or that being in a relationship will somehow flick us back up a point value system adopted by nonfactor judges. Many of us are searching for our “other halves” when #1- Eve never searched for Adam, but was brought/led to Him by God, and #2- Who said we are missing a whole HALF of ourselves? Shoot, that other “Half” better be the character of Jesus! Haha ok but no, in all honesty, I believe that we are not to look to others for definition, but merely for the purpose of complimenting our lives. Eve complimented Adam. She was sent to be his “helpmeet”, not “helpmeat”. (See what I did there?)

And then we have the issue of women seeking to be in relationships simply for the “glitz and glamour” of what they expect it to be. They want to get with the best looking guy who plays hard to get but in reality, doesn’t even value the woman. We’re addicted to the chase. We feel entitled to get what we want- even though it might not be the best thing for us. Every woman, whether they admit it or not, likes a good challenge. The rush of the experience brings us to a feeling of euphoria, which stimulates our endurance for the pursuit. But when our endurance declines, reality sets in.

If we spent more time looking within ourselves and truly asking Yahweh to reveal the things within us that need to be tweaked, then we might increase our chances for happiness through the power of discernment. A closer relationship with God comes with greater wisdom. Had we learned this a long time ago, we would have been able to evade a lot of unfavorable experiences we have found ourselves enduring  in the past. But you know. Everyone is into the whole “well, let me learn from my mistakes” when true wisdom lies not only in learning from your own, but evading those mistakes and cutting straight to the lesson though the observation of the mistakes of others. 

Think of it this way. What sense does it make for us to spend our time, energy, effort and resources to figure out how to make a lightbulb, when it has already been invented? What we should be spending time on is learning various ways that we can improve the quality of that bulb. 

So this post is turning out a long longer than I wanted it to. The last thing I want to say is this- Ladies? Don’t be blinded by the superficial face value of what a relationship is- i.e. cuddling, physical intimacy, kissing, some more physical intimacy and playing Bonnie and Clyde with your boyfriend. Work on developing something long lasting, and of higher value that will guarantee your happiness in your not too distant future. Have patience. Relax, focus on achieving your immediate goals, and remember, God IS enough. Focus on Him, and all good things will surely follow.

First day of Summer: Friday, June 21st, 2013

Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin’
-Alda.

(Initial post written: May 26, 2013)

Cut the Crap.

Men?

Men should be the dominant force in a relationship. They should be the ones who:

1) Pursue the woman.
2) Have a desire to provide for the woman.
3) Protect the woman.

Since when did it become okay for these roles to reverse? I really feel like society does a pretty good job of skewing the minds of those who unknowingly subject themselves to such ideals through various mediums.

I see too many women today pursing the men- which I believe places men in a position where they become visually impaired when it comes to perceiving the value of a woman. I believe that if a man does not work laboriously for a woman, he is more than likely to push her to the wayside, and easily move on with his business.

Think about it. How much more will you appreciate something if you’ve exhausted every fiber of your being to obtain it?

A man who endures the most strenuous of hardships will, in the process, develop a passion, commitment, and undying love for the woman in which all of his time, resources, and energy are enervated.

But moving past this point- I do have a bone to pick with the gentlemen. (And this can apply for the ladies as well).

Too many men claim that there aren’t many “worthy” females out there who are deserving of their love and attention. I believe this is because all of our priorities are twisted. If you are a man, let’s say, in your early to late 20’s, you should be at the point where you should have been mature enough to make a conscious decision to realize that it is time to stop fooling around, and start putting together the foundation of which your family is to be built upon. If you’ve got a shaky foundation, you can be sure to count me out.

Stop chasing after these females who have it all put together on the exterior, but who have shattered pieces of emotional baggage that excrete out of every single one of their pores. You can tell when a woman has not matured properly. Many of them may possess the age that one is expected to have matured, but the full potential thereof has not been effectively manifested within them. But this particular facet of discernment only comes along with ones willingness to progress spiritually, and intellectually.

In other words? Cut the crap with this childish mentality. Or you’ll be in your late 30’s and in the beginning stages of really discovering who you are. And by then, you’d have a lot more hard lessons to learn in the latter stages of life. So make it easier for yourself now, and actively pursue character development.

Lastly, hop out of the kiddy pool, put on your grown up trunks and begin socializing with the grown folk. There’s a whole lot you can learn from the older generation that will give you the tools you need to sift through the nonsense that some females are ready to gift you with.

And here’s the thing, when you find a woman of value (and this is the initial inspiration of this whole post today), please, I BEG of you- invest in her. The fruits that you will reap afterwards will be exponential compared to the nonfactors you are currently dealing with. Proverbs 18:22 tells us that
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” It didn’t say “He who finds a bad B**** who can twerk has found himself a treasure”. Discard your fleshly desires and focus on that which will contribute to your genuine happiness and the longevity of your marriage in the long run.

Ok- final thought- Don’t be scared when you find that woman of value. And don’t be intimidated either. Ask God to equip you with His wisdom in order for you to be a spiritual pillar in her life. You are to desire to be purged of that which you were, and be willing to adopt the identity of the ultimate Master Teacher. But be honest with yourself- if you aren’t ready yet, please do not put yourself, or that woman, into a position where another wound is introduced that will delay this beautiful developmental experience.

Women?

Now, I’m not going to say much because I think I got out most of what I wanted to say to the men. But here it is- we women should be the ones who:

1) Direct our attention to the active pursuit of a GODLY man.
2) Prepare spiritually to be a helpmeet for the man.
3) Cater to the needs of our amazing Husbands (this does NOT mean be his slave, gals)
4) Be supportive of our men- this also includes understanding/respecting his ideas, and being sensitive to his needs.

I could actually go on and on, but I don’t think that’s necessary… for now.

I think that we women have made our men lazy. We have contributed in many ways to facilitating the adoption of various ideals that they currently hold. Because of many of OUR failed attempts, we now sit here- leaping and thirsting for all the wrong attention.

First of all, what we need to do as women is simply this-

STOP.

Stop pursuing the men. Stop doing the utmost for attention. Stop exposing our bodies (like I said- these are things that we are doing that are conditioning our men to accept these standards). Stop chasing after thug life because the thug life most definitely hasn’t and doesn’t need to choose us. Just stop woman.

I don’t understand why it is so difficult for us to be cognizant our worth, and to act accordingly. We are worth far more than the rarest of stones and storehouses of treasure… now… can we stop opening up our storerooms to those who only have the interest of looting that which is not theirs to begin with?

And I’m tired of this whole “there’s no good men out there” mentality. There are plenty of good, Godly men out there. You’ve just decided to turn a blind eye towards them and redirect your attention to the warty frog sitting on your doorstep with a bottle of peach ciroc and a handful of unwanted guests. WAKE UP!

Stop wasting time with those who’s actions don’t match up to the words that come out of their pieholes. Happiness awaits. And you’re taking too long getting ready.

My point is this, ladies. Before you get into a relationship, please, please recognize your worth. Don’t go around seeking for validation from another man because honestly? That’s when you WILLINGLY stomp your foot in the middle of a bear trap. Good luck recovering from that escapade.

Let the man work for you. and this is not to say – oh yeah, go around and be difficult and act like a complete fool- no. If you show him how serious you are about where you are headed in life, if he is a Godly man, he will respect that.

Challenge him to become aware of your worth. Then let him decide if he wants to be a part of the great successes that God already has in store for you.

Give him a peek at the blueprint of your empire. And if he isn’t a complete fool, he’ll want to tag along and offer his strength and commitment to helping you build it.

A Robust Empire.

Aha. I have something I want to talk about.

I think it’s safe to say that universally- across the board- we can agree that men are supposed to be the pursuer’s of woman. And though I think that women should always have their watch guard’s at attention, I don’t think it is necessary for women to keep each and every one of these guards fully armed and ready to fire at any given moment once they have entered into a relationship.

I’m seeing this too often nowadays.

There are a couple of things that really irritate me about the way that people carry themselves in relationships. The first thing people need to understand is that no- we don’t know if the person we are with is going to be the person we marry. That is a given. Even still, it is not imperative that you turn yourself into a cold pillar of stone in order to not get hurt in a relationship. If you’re scared, and they’re scared, the full potential of what could be will not be maximized. Life is about taking risks. How will you ever know if you never step out of your comfort zone?

At this current stage of my life, I am learning what it means to love and to be loved. More specifically,  I have been trying to understand the true implication of self sacrificing love. And of course, what better source to descry and emulate such a concept than the inspired Word?

This is not to say that I’m attempting to learn all of this information, then practicing it on everyone who catches my eye- no. It means that in my solitude, and in the building of my relationship with Yahweh, I am able to understand and internalize all that I learn, so that when the Lord presents me with the one I am to deliver this self sacrificing concept of love to- I will be ready. Unashamed, prepared, and anxious to see the fruits that Abba has planted within me.

But through this process, I have learned a couple of things. And I thank God for the spiritually in tuned friends that I have who have been able to enlighten me with various bits of information that they have received from Wisdom herself.

1) There is nothing that we are subject to experience that has not been passed by the throne first. 
-There is nothing that has happened, is happening now, or will happen that God doesn’t already know about. If you are in a stage of deciding whether or not you are meant to be with someone, just know that even something as simple as your interaction with them is not by chance. Every detail of your life will come together for a greater purpose.

2) Make your Verdict.
-I know that because of the experiences that I have had in the past, I do not ever want to move forward with someone unless it has been ordained by Yahweh Himself. I’ve learned that I can sit here and pray every minute of the day for the Lord to reveal His will for me- which He will- but that I must also be proactive about making a decision. I can either wait for the Lord to communicate with me through some sort of anastatic intervention, or I can use the wisdom that He has granted me, and the people He has placed in my life in order to make a spirit led decision on what my next move will be.

3) Stop worrying.
-If you are actively pursuing an interconnection with the Most High, and you have made it your priority to seek His guidance in all that you do, and you are willing to put in a bit of elbow grease on your part- then relax. All things will work for the good of those who are seeking to tread the road less travelled by. So. Take a load off. And stop being so afraid to take action.

So what comes next?

After you have made a spirit led decision to be with someone, you gotta let some walls down. Show them the real you. Let them know your likes and dislikes. Let them know what you’re expecting from the relationship, and establish a game plan together. What do you intend on achieving through your relationship? But most importantly, What do you hope and are willing to contribute?

Then get used to the idea of being with that person, and working to take into consideration their needs and their wants. It’s not all about you anymore. A new concept called “Us” and “We” is formed, where you discard selfish desires, and adopt the new threads of we-stability, as I like to call it. You should always be learning about a different aspect of your character throughout this experience. Only then will you be able to accept that your Woman should be your Queen… your Man should be your King… and that you both operate under the watchful and loving counsel of an even greater Emperor… You should cater to the needs of each other, and dynamically pursue one another’s happiness.

We’ve all got a lot to ponder about. What steps will you take to build a successful relational empire?

-Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin’

Alda.

*Special thanks to Brittany B.- Your friendship is of far greater value to me than that of the most precious box of alabaster, and the largest quantity of Chalcedony that you can find… Thank you.

July 8, 2013

Leeches.

Look around.

What kind of people are a part of your life?

Some of us find ourselves so deeply rooted into the soil of dysfunction that we become used to the dysfunctional arteries that support us in our environment of total chaos. Take some of the people we surround ourselves with, for example. When we look at our lives through the analytical lenses of maturation, we know that we don’t need to be tied down in that relationship with that man/woman that we know for a fact will not commit solely to us.. we know we don’t need to be around that friend who compels us to spontaneously engage in behaviors we otherwise would not have participated in.. we know that person over there is inhibiting our growth- stifling our aspirations, bursting any last globule of inspiration- choking the very essence of the dreams that we etch into our being.

Point blank- there are a whole bunch of us hanging around all the wrong kinds of people.

I don’t think many of us realize the true potential energy that is embodied in every cell of our being.. For most of us, it takes loosening those bonds with those ruinous types of people- and this causes us to be propelled into a temporary state of discomfort because, well, they were the ones on which we relied upon for “nutrition”. But if you consistently subsist upon negative sources of sustenance, well. Just be prepared to suffer the consequences when they begin to take a detrimental toll on your body. You are the things you allow those around you to feed into your conscience.

I guess what I’m trying to say is very simple. Eliminate those people who are not edifying to your life. Those people who are hindering your growth and maturation. Those who are holding you back from accomplishing amazing tasks in your life, and ultimately, those who are barring you from the prospect of true success.

I can’t possibly stress how important it is to surround yourself with those who are in the pursuit of exuding the character of Christ. These are the kind of people that will be able to help counsel you through the darkest moments of your life. The kind who will have the capacity to lift you up out of secluded abyss’s that have been strategically placed on your avenue. The kind that care more about the storage of your most valued possessions in heavenly lock boxes than in the glove compartment of your unlocked car.

If that didn’t paint an accurate picture, just envision who will be amongst the first response crew to help you clean up when feces hit the fan.

-Alda.