Reluctant Progressions.

I think that we all have an implicit standard of what we think a relationship should be like. Whether that standard is molded by our childhood experiences, or through our models of what we consider to be a perfect relationship as seen through the people in our immediate surrounding, we all still have a standard.

Recently, someone I hold very dear to my heart had a conversation with me in which they expressed their concern for my future regarding the interpersonal relationships that I was involved in. And I remember one of the most important things they told me- they were worried that I would set aside my gifts and talents for a man that did not express a love or support for the ministry that I believe God placed in my life for me. They told me that I should never get to the point where I feel like I’m settling because I’m afraid I might never meet the person I am to be with. 

This seemed to be the theme of most conversations that I’ve had with my mentors, and school parents, my real parents and even those whom I’ve networked with in the past couple of years. Their concern remains the same across the board- that I never lose focus because I delved too deep within a relationship with someone who I had no business being with, for lack of patience.

But I feel like I’ve done just that. And I’m just not sure how to exit.

I’ve had a few other conversations with a couple of friends of mine in which we talked about how, as theology majors, or even as people who have dedicated their lives to Christ, we know a lot of the principles that have been revealed through scripture. Those that talk about our treatment of other people, the holiness of God and how we are to hold that to the highest reverence, but most importantly, the law in which all laws are firmly rooted upon- the law of love. 

The law of love is probably the only law that scales all boundaries, and that directly holds a relationship with every other law. It puts a mirror up to our face so that we can see our true nature. The law of love requires growth, change and development. It pushes us out of the limits of our comfort, and propels us right into the forgiving arms of our Creator. 

As of recently, this law of love has revealed its practical application to my life. It is not merely enough to understand what love means in theory, or to know what the bible says in theory, but true wisdom comes in the practical application thereof. Once we know better, we are required to do better, all through the strength of Christ. 

Philippians 2:13 has taken an entirely new meaning for me in these last couple of days. It tells us that because God is working in us, He is the one who provides us with the will, and of course, the strength to do His perfect will. So not only does God reveal to us what His will actually is for our lives, but He also gives us the strength, endurance, and the resilience to carry it through- all through Him. Isn’t that amazing?

I write this blog at a most difficult period. I’ve begun to feel as if I have been losing the gift that God has equipped me with. I lost my desire to write. And even more frightening to me as a writer, I’ve run out of things to write about. But throughout all of my perceived inadequacies, and my feelings of hypocrisy even as I write this current blog, God still reveals to me that this job He has called me to has never been about me. It has never relied upon how I feel about myself, or how prepared I feel like I am to do His work, or even my enthusiasm, creativity, reliability, zeal, qualification, emotions- anything. It has SOLELY relied on His perfection being worked out through my willing vessel. Accepting God’s will in my life for me to work for His sake through the ministry of interpersonal relationships, has been possible only through my willingness to accept Him not only as my personal Savior, but as my Lord. As the one who fuels me- daily. As the One who sustains not only my life, but the balance of the universe- daily. 

So here I am.  I’ve gotten myself into a massive rut of complacency. And worst of all, I’ve found myself deeply tangled in the Olivia Pope Syndrome (as defined in one of my earlier posts) where it is easy for me to assist others in their relational endeavors, but it is most difficult and almost impossible for me to apply those same, seemingly simply, principles to my own life. It is easy for me to pinpoint disastrous relationships that other people may be entering in, or the red flags that eagerly display themselves in hopes of being noticed and promptly heeded. 

This all preludes one of my biggest pitfalls I have found myself hopelessly devoted to. I have found that I have begun losing myself in the hopes of achieving the unattainable, and that has proven, on many occasions, to be something that has a grave potential to be the most disastrous decision I could ever make in my life. And that would be the pursuit of happiness through a marital bond that the Lord never ordained.

Perhaps the experiences we have been afforded in life have been for the purposes of propelling us to new spiritual heights, or have been to work out the kinks in our character to make us more like Christ, or have simply been because of our disobedience, but because the Lord is good, He always has a way of turning things around to be a blessing to you, and to each and every person that you minister to according to their needs. Perhaps, it’s because of all of the above.

I have turned over in my mind, my current dilemma many many times, and have decided not to prolong a decision that God has already told me to make. Most often, we catch ourselves entangled in soul ties that God was trying to stop from happening from the jump, but because we chose to take the route He never intended for us, we then have to answer to the challenges posed by our failed decisions. And though this is delayed obedience, I just want to say, I hear You Lord. And I trust that whatever it is that happens from this moment on, will be in Your hands.

So I write this blog not in my usual format, but as an open letter. More so for myself, but also for the person who I know will open this one day and hopefully understand what I have learned through the process. I do freely give thanks for the many lessons learned throughout this process, and for the ability to be able to understand what obedience to the Lord’s will looks like, for the trials endured, and for allowing be a full length view of the flaws in my character, but most importantly, I was able to see that it is possible to love again, and to love wholeheartedly, and without end. Love is self sacrificing. And I believe that my fleshly desires must be sacrificed in order for God to begin His process of healing and restoration in the lives of us both. 

To closure. To trusting that God has our best interests in mind when He gave His final word. To the beauty of progression. To love, and to the one blog you may claim to be directly addressed to you.

Let it be written, so let it be done.

Future Tense.

Future Tense.

 

Scores and scores

Of immeasurable pain

Have graced the canvass

of my existence.

 

Adversity and deleterious recalls

spew forth

From my acquired synthetic,

feminist mane.

 

I do not know what it takes

to fertilize A potential

neonatal affection,

But I desire that Yahweh sees fit to birth-

An inseparable, attainable connection,

That’ll erase my venomous recollection,

And unveil the scarlet curtains of protection,

And in the understanding of my heavenly election,

Putting away the past misconception

That I’ve held towards all men.

 

Through my identity in the Most High,

I have been initiated into the laboratory

Of the beginning stages of what it is to love.

Of what it is to relinquish embedded pride-

And yield to the opposing tide

That desires to encompass around my every side

That I may be strengthened by God to be able to abide

In Him.

 

The flaming adversary within me

generated by my own self,

will only then be crushed

and make way for vulnerability.

And peace,

And bliss,

And inestimable joy

And will then be able to round the sharp edges of my being,

Encasing my priceless gift

In a precious vessel of beryl emerald,

Sealed with divine light,

Only to be exposed by the one who desires closeness with Elohim.

 

 

And though the journey be long,

And the sands of time fade,

May Yahweh’s love abound

unhindered by self indulgence,

and fleshly desires,

societal pressures,

and unabashed liars.

 

Stay Groovy. Keep Kickin’

-Alda.

‘Tis the Season to Be… In Love?

Aha. Here come the warm weather, and here come the Burlesque Balloon Women eager to show off their skin. Get ready single men, it may be a long, frustrating, sensually provocative summer.

Everywhere you go, there is a reoccurring theme of what?

-Love.

In every movie there is a damsel in distress awaiting her salvation from the hands of an evil man who really has too much time on his hands, and way too much energy to go out of his way to kidnap people and make everything so much more difficult for everyone else. =_= . Take Fast and Furious 6, for example (which I watched last night in a crowded theatre in Providence along with about 1.2 billion steamy people). I won’t say too much for the people who haven’t watched it yet, but here we can see homeboy’s girl, who he thought was dead, resurface who knows where, and sexy (and a bit too bulky) Dwayne Johnson SEARCHIN for hot tamale Vin Diesel to get him to help a brotha out. This propels sir hot tamale into a state of action. Had homegirl not been involved, he would have gladly declined the mission. And so would his friends.

So what was the point of that seemingly lengthy tangent? Well. I said that to say this- I went to watch this movie and it was about

-Love.

I walked out of the theatre and I saw couples blissfully sauntering away in:

-Love.

 I turned on pandora in my car and the first song that came on was about- love. I came home and the first thing that I thought about was -you guessed it-love. 

So, if you’re single, like me, and all you see around you is cotton candy, love bugs, and cupids, you may not necessarily feel the love yourself. All you can do is see it from the outside standpoint of a foreigner.

That’s not to say that we haven’t “been in” or “experienced” love. Which we might have. But too often than not, in today’s society, because of our insecurities, impatience, or even involuntary acceptance of a partner, we have brought ourselves to a state of confusion when it comes to this word, love. How do I know this? Well. Take a look at the current divorce rates- which I’m sure has to probably be a little over 50% by now.

In our generation, we have made the difference between love and lust indistinguishable. I really want to gear this post more towards our women today. I’m talking about real love, which is ONLY recognizable when we see our place in relation to God’s Magnificence. 

True Love: Welp. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am currently not ready for a relationship. Why? Because I have not truly grasped the essence of what True Love actually is. But I have gotten to the point where I have learned that  in order to recognize True Love, I have to FIRST understand God’s love towards me, that way I will not only be able to identify that love reflected by someone else, but be able to reciprocate it as well.

Once we understand the true sacricificial meaning of what love is, then we can put ourselves in a place where we are one smidge closer to where God needs us to be in preparing us for interconnectedness with one another. That being said, we need to pause, right now, and evaluate our places. Are you a slave to lust? Pull yourself away from the hustle and bustle of society and REALLY think about this right now. Are your actions in tune with that of a woman (or man, for the men reading this) who has finally been brought to a place of spiritual awareness? Hmm. Here’s a simple test to figure that out.

Alright this is what you do- Stand up. Close your eyes. Place your hands on your hips. Then ask yourself: Is God enough?

Aha. Here’s where many of us fail this test. And here is where I failed the test every time I got into a relationship because I never believed that God was enough. Many of us females think that we need men to validate us, or that being in a relationship will somehow flick us back up a point value system adopted by nonfactor judges. Many of us are searching for our “other halves” when #1- Eve never searched for Adam, but was brought/led to Him by God, and #2- Who said we are missing a whole HALF of ourselves? Shoot, that other “Half” better be the character of Jesus! Haha ok but no, in all honesty, I believe that we are not to look to others for definition, but merely for the purpose of complimenting our lives. Eve complimented Adam. She was sent to be his “helpmeet”, not “helpmeat”. (See what I did there?)

And then we have the issue of women seeking to be in relationships simply for the “glitz and glamour” of what they expect it to be. They want to get with the best looking guy who plays hard to get but in reality, doesn’t even value the woman. We’re addicted to the chase. We feel entitled to get what we want- even though it might not be the best thing for us. Every woman, whether they admit it or not, likes a good challenge. The rush of the experience brings us to a feeling of euphoria, which stimulates our endurance for the pursuit. But when our endurance declines, reality sets in.

If we spent more time looking within ourselves and truly asking Yahweh to reveal the things within us that need to be tweaked, then we might increase our chances for happiness through the power of discernment. A closer relationship with God comes with greater wisdom. Had we learned this a long time ago, we would have been able to evade a lot of unfavorable experiences we have found ourselves enduring  in the past. But you know. Everyone is into the whole “well, let me learn from my mistakes” when true wisdom lies not only in learning from your own, but evading those mistakes and cutting straight to the lesson though the observation of the mistakes of others. 

Think of it this way. What sense does it make for us to spend our time, energy, effort and resources to figure out how to make a lightbulb, when it has already been invented? What we should be spending time on is learning various ways that we can improve the quality of that bulb. 

So this post is turning out a long longer than I wanted it to. The last thing I want to say is this- Ladies? Don’t be blinded by the superficial face value of what a relationship is- i.e. cuddling, physical intimacy, kissing, some more physical intimacy and playing Bonnie and Clyde with your boyfriend. Work on developing something long lasting, and of higher value that will guarantee your happiness in your not too distant future. Have patience. Relax, focus on achieving your immediate goals, and remember, God IS enough. Focus on Him, and all good things will surely follow.

First day of Summer: Friday, June 21st, 2013

Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin’
-Alda.

(Initial post written: May 26, 2013)

Gay Marriage?

I’m fully aware that I might get a lot of heat for this post, but I do believe that I may as well touch upon some relevant issues that are filtering through society. I do insert a disclaimer at this moment: Keep an open mind. Set aside your biases and presuppositions when reading this text because emotions can fuel the most negative of responses. So. I challenge you to simply read what I’m going to say, let it marinate, and if needed you may so choose to respond. I will promise you that I will not respond to responses that are nothing short of impulsively emotional bigotry. 

You know, there has been a longstanding debate about this issue of Gay Marriage vs Religion. So I just want to take the time to share a few thoughts about what I think about this whole thing.

Fundamentally and biblically speaking, from the beginning of time, it is made clear that marriage was an institution set in place by God when he joined male and female together. Here is what we can assert from the original institution of marriage:

1) The parties were of opposite sexes: Male and female (Genesis 2:22).
2) The original marital covenant and “ceremony” (not a literal marriage ceremony, but I mean more so in terms of the unification of two parties) was presented at the inception of creation by God, who created this concept of unity amongst the two parties (Genesis 2:22-24).
3) I believe that when God created man and woman, He created them in His own image (Genesis 1:26, 27), reflecting the same elements of submission as seen in the Godhead (Father, Son and Holy Spirit as One). Though man and woman are two distinct elements, they are “joined together as one”, which allows us to better understand how man and woman, two different flesh, can be joined together in unison, and how that also reflects how the 3 elements of the Godhead can be joined as one- Father, Son and Holy Spirit as One.
4) Therefore, we can already see that this original marital covenant was a) established by God and b) since it was established by God, He was the one who set the parameters on this concept of “marriage”.
5) If God created marriage, and He set the parameters on what marriage is, then He is the ultimate defining factor of what is meant by “marriage” between two parties.

So what are these parameters?

6) Well, for one, we see that in the beginning of time, man and woman (opposite sexes) are the model conceptual frameworks for this notion of marriage. So what does that mean for us in todays society?

Well:
a) Since we have now established the marital covenant as one instituted by God, we can assert that He is the one who has already set the parameters as to what marriage is, and because He is God and has the final word, these parameters remain unchanged, and for those who believe in Christ and the Word of God, then these are the brackets in which we abide.

For example.

Let’s say, for illustrational purposes sake, that I create a paper shredder, right. So I invent this shredder that shreds whatever size of paper that your little heart so desires to shred. The purpose of  this shredder was to shred paper. Now. If you so decide one day to shred, let’s say, a transparency sheet (the kind they use for overhead projectors), and you say, oh my, this shreds transparency sheets too! Does that change the initial purposes of my invention? Because clearly I invented a paper shredder to shred paper- and not plastic.

Now why would I invent a shredder that can have dual uses? Now let’s explore the implications of such a concept.

a) I, the inventor, created a paper shredder to shred paper.
b) You, the purchaser of my invention, decide to use the shredder for purposes that are outside the initial intent of use of my invention.

Little do you realize- I created the paper shredder to shred paper and not plastic, because the system through which the paper is fed into and shredded generates an increasing heat flow with the repeated use of the device. So. Continue to shred plastic, and you’ll see that 1) the paper shredder will no longer be able to shred paper anymore 2) Plastic will begin to melt, stick and dry within the device, not allowing you to continue to shred more plastic transparency films even if you so chose to stick to that method of shredding.

Now let’s drive the point home. If God instituted marriage, He set it in place with specific parameters in which we are to abide by. Therefore, marriage is God’s “invention”, and we are simply disobedient to the initial purpose of what was already instituted in one way. Whatever we therefore produce as a result, is simply a counterfeit replica with a dysfunctional purpose.

What I’m saying is, to sit here and try to redefine a concept built into the very fold of Christian living is to not only assert that what God has instituted is not “good enough”, but to give it a meaning that is apart from its own. 

What does this mean for us?

I believe that if homosexual “marriage” wants to be deemed as such, it should be set apart from God’s original intent, which is directly oppositional to the idea of homosexual marriage. Therefore, in order to not blend God’s initial inventions and not disregard the “Instructors manual”, let’s not create a fine line between what God’s will is and what our will is. Let us not attempt to alter the word of God from its original meaning because- who can alter the lasting Word of the God who created the entire existence of life as we know it? Who is more qualified to alter the documents than God himself?

And this brings me to a note that I want to stick in here before I close out. To say that not acknowledging homosexual marriage as a marital covenant by Religious leaders/people of faith is discriminatory, is a completely invalid argument, considering the fact that marriage was originally set in place by God, and God’s moral law are the scaffolds of which our country was built upon. So let us ditch that argument. If homosexuals want to get married, and society is in support of such a concept, then it must be understood that the unity between those two parties must not be forced upon religious leaders and deemed discriminatory if they do not consent, but should be recognized as another form of union, not a “marriage” per se, because marriage was created by God for the purposes of two people. 

God is not in support of homosexual marriage- that is clear throughout the bible. And if you want to completely disregard Christianity because it does not fit into your particular lifestyle, then your beliefs are simply built upon what is accommodating for you. But God doesn’t only speak against homosexuality- he speaks about idolatry, lustful desires, murder, witchcraft/sorcery, stealing, abuse of our bodies etc. etc. Sin is sin, period. We must understand that God loves us, but He does not love sin. God takes us as we are, but does not leave us as we are. Therefore, in Christ, we are made into new beings through the belief and faith in Him. The gospel makes us uncomfortable. But that is its purpose. We are immoral beings, and are always subjected to the devices of Satan, so we must really be careful. And through faith and acceptance of Christ, we can stand victorious over any sin that makes us feel good or feel comfortable. 

*By the way, I can only speak for myself here- just because you’re a homosexual, does not mean that youare being discriminated against when this topic of Religion vs Homosexuality is brought into the frame. Homosexuality is what is not accepted- not you. So yes, as a Christian, do I approve of your lifestyle? No. Do I love you? Yes. Does God love you, unconditionally? Yes. End of story.*

And faith in God? That’s another topic. This whole post centers upon and finds validity within the parameters of faith in God, which is not understood by many, and therefore rejected by most. I encourage you all to study the scriptures for yourselves, and if you sincerely have doubts about the existence of God or don’t really understand the point, ask Him to reveal Himself. And I assure you, He will.

But also remember- God will never eliminate doubt from our minds. These are which we find the grounds for belief in Him. Regardless of your current standing, know that whatever you seek you will find. If you seek God, you will find HIm. If you search for evidence against Him, you shall. But such is the same with gossip- just because someone says something about you and others feel like they have sufficient grounds to believe the claim, doesn’t mean that is is necessarily true.

Seek God. Prepare to be convicted.

Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin’.

-Alda

Counterfeit Elites.

 

A disturbance in one’s soul can be easily detected through lackluster efforts in daily activity.

            Guilty.

As of lately, I’ve been seeking the solution to why I’ve been lacking motivation, determination, ambition, and most importantly, vision. But as I reflected on events that took place today, I think I can safely come to an understanding of why that could possibly be. 

I’ve unknowingly placed myself in a complex, irrationally disproportionate “reality”. I’ve literally created a distorted world for myself, where I view everything through the lenses of external individualized standards. Now, what’s that supposed to mean?

Well. It means that I’ve chosen to take a most precarious route whilst here on this sphere of habitation.

Essentially what I’ve managed to do is live each day according to the standards that I think others want me to live by. Whether we know it or not, every interaction we have with those around us can either positively or negatively affect the decisions we make. So somehow, I’ve decided to magically come up with the brightest and most unprecedented plan of all time. I’ve eliminated my own sense of input filter processing, and left the decision-making hemisphere of my mind in what I like to call “connective handicap”. 

Symptoms : Not being able to make decisions without the input of others. Fickleness. Distorted, irrational reality. Easily swayed. Unsure of personal standards. Unsure of belief system. Living for the approval of others. Caring about what the world has to say about you. Questioning God’s plan in your life just because someone else told you it didn’t make sense. Abandoning spiritual duties because you think it’s a good idea to compare your calling with someone else’s. 

And the list could continue for eons and eons. 

But I’m only 20. Good thing I caught it now rather than at the moment I find myself in a white Grecian styled wedding dress, walking down the isle to marry a man who everyone else thinks I should marry… but who I’ve never loved…

I’m sure I’m not the only one who is guilty of allowing the gradual pervasive nature of society’s unrealistic expectations to infiltrate its way into the functionalities of daily living.

Stop living for other people. Take what people say with two grains of salt and a dash of ground up jalapeños. This doesn’t mean that you run on ahead and bask in ignorance- it just means that you’ve gotta wake up and realize that God gave you a mind of your own. At the beginning of the night, you have a personal relationship with a God who takes a unique interest in you. And quite frankly, your salvation does NOT lie in fulfilling the desires of others. 

Stop being afraid to speak up. Stop changing what you say or believe in because someone else may not necessarily agree with it. Live for God, not for the imposing foolishness and unrealistic expectations projected by the mouths of people who can’t even facilitate their own doggone lives. 

You know, that’s a very interesting point. People have a hard time living their life by their own standards, but then think it is okay to judge other people by these individual, invisible and unreachable standards.

So yeah. I kind of got myself in a bit of a rut. But thank God for the clarity of mind to be able to realize this sooner rather than when I’m old, useless and sitting in a one legged rocking chair trying to figure out why the events of my life led me to live in a shack with 20 ugly cats, all of which I’m allergic to.

In conclusion? Adopt a selectively permeable membrane. God in. Counterfeits out.

Stay groovy, Keep Kickin’.

-Alda.

 

 

(October 12, 2013)

A Different Kind of Woman.

I was privileged to speak with Pastor Lola Moore, a woman in Ministry, on a brisk spring morning via FaceBook… at 4am. I had a couple of questions that had been on my mind for a while, and I thought, who better to ask than someone who’s life’s episode was currently tuned into the same experiences that I was wondering about?

I asked Pastor Moore about “The whole- ‘Single Women in Minsitry’ Shebang”, where I wanted to know what were some of the challenges that she faced being a single female Pastor on the ministry front. I also asked her if she was worried, or found herself asking the Lord when the right time would be for her in regards to finding a mate. She was more than kind enough to privilege me with her response, and was also more than happy  to allow me to share it right here. So y’all are getting first hand experience on what it’s like out there from a primary source! This was Pastor Lola’s response:

• “Ministry is interesting as a person. The difference in gender isn’t felt by me. It’s felt by those I minister to. Same as being a woman in college. No felt difference by you, you’re just in school. Make sense?  I’m just in ministry…doing what I was born to do. Now, my colleagues tend to pastor differently. I’m more of a “new/young mother” with my congregation. They’re “on my hip” as I handle business. I want to know if the church is spiritually healthy; are the people growing in Jesus? I’m proud and giddy over little things. I have to discipline them sometimes. Guys don’t traditionally do that- they see the church more as a machine. A car even. They want to put hydraulics on it…make it BIG and fast…lol!  They are into fast, undeniable growth. I’m into slow, organic growth. I think all ladies are different but I’ve seen the dynamic manifested in several ladies.

           I’m single but I have colleagues who are not. Either can be difficult. I personally think singleness is a blessing and a curse in ministry. It’s a blessing to be able to travel and do as I’m called to. Not to have to answer for late nights, early mornings, etc. However, I carry the stress of leadership alone. No one to vent to. No one who will have my back when I make mistakes or preach a horrible sermon.

          On the flip, my married colleagues are called upon to balance their churches and their families. They must be mom to their kids at home AND their kids at church. They are moms so they have to be as loving and supportive as your mom AND run a church. The call is HIGH!
So, your journey will have similarities as well as unique experiences. My advice is to stay EXTRA CLOSE to Jesus!!! He will help you navigate the unique journey He has planned.” 

I then asked Pastor Moore this question: 

• Do you find it difficult to not “worry” about the Lord sending you the man you’re supposed to be with?
  I mean, we all know that “good things come to those who wait upon the Lord” and all that jazz, but that doesn’t make it any easier on us when we really don’t have any conception of the timing of God?

And this was her response, and a very wise approach, if I may say the least:

• “I don’t worry about God sending the right person. I recognize that, had I been more patient, “he” may have already been here. The process is less about God sending him as it is about God preparing me! Am I ready to be a good wife, in light of my calling, to the man God has designated? Am I ready to be doubly yoked as Pastor and mother? Am I willing to care for my husband and handle the business of the church? The right one will come, but am I ready to be the right one for him?”

Wow. What a perspective. Often times, we find ourselves craving the superficial face values of relationships that we forget about the broader spectrum of what the end result should be. Before God can send men their “helpmeet”, He has to make sure they’re absolutely geared up for what they are about to get into. 

First thing is always first. We must begin asking these questions to ourselves, and wait patiently for the Lord to impress His convictions upon us. We must ask Him to reveal the issues that we need to deal with that we aren’t too ready to accept in order to prepare us as women winning souls for the Kingdom, and also to prepare us as perfect women for our men. Before Yahweh can send you someone who is good for you, you must in turn be good for him. At this stage in our lives, many of us women serve the purpose of being a better stumbling block, tripping up our men, and as an obstacle to distract and divert our men from achieving and attending to the higher callings in their lives. Others are set-ups, luring men in with sensuality and trapping them with lust disguised as love. We MUST strive to be better women. Actually, let me not say the word “strive” because that implies “trying”. We must not “try” to be better women, we must BE better women. They do say that you often attract what you exude, so let us emit the character of God, excrete the ambitions of a woman with a purpose,  conceal our hormone induced sensuality, and acquire the ability to wait upon the Lord not solely on the basis of relationships, but be able to truly trust Him enough to believe that He will make decisions that are of the best intentions.

-Alda.

*Courtesy of Pastor Lola Moore
-Thank You for sharing your perspective.

 

(May 29, 2013)

Cut the Crap.

Men?

Men should be the dominant force in a relationship. They should be the ones who:

1) Pursue the woman.
2) Have a desire to provide for the woman.
3) Protect the woman.

Since when did it become okay for these roles to reverse? I really feel like society does a pretty good job of skewing the minds of those who unknowingly subject themselves to such ideals through various mediums.

I see too many women today pursing the men- which I believe places men in a position where they become visually impaired when it comes to perceiving the value of a woman. I believe that if a man does not work laboriously for a woman, he is more than likely to push her to the wayside, and easily move on with his business.

Think about it. How much more will you appreciate something if you’ve exhausted every fiber of your being to obtain it?

A man who endures the most strenuous of hardships will, in the process, develop a passion, commitment, and undying love for the woman in which all of his time, resources, and energy are enervated.

But moving past this point- I do have a bone to pick with the gentlemen. (And this can apply for the ladies as well).

Too many men claim that there aren’t many “worthy” females out there who are deserving of their love and attention. I believe this is because all of our priorities are twisted. If you are a man, let’s say, in your early to late 20’s, you should be at the point where you should have been mature enough to make a conscious decision to realize that it is time to stop fooling around, and start putting together the foundation of which your family is to be built upon. If you’ve got a shaky foundation, you can be sure to count me out.

Stop chasing after these females who have it all put together on the exterior, but who have shattered pieces of emotional baggage that excrete out of every single one of their pores. You can tell when a woman has not matured properly. Many of them may possess the age that one is expected to have matured, but the full potential thereof has not been effectively manifested within them. But this particular facet of discernment only comes along with ones willingness to progress spiritually, and intellectually.

In other words? Cut the crap with this childish mentality. Or you’ll be in your late 30’s and in the beginning stages of really discovering who you are. And by then, you’d have a lot more hard lessons to learn in the latter stages of life. So make it easier for yourself now, and actively pursue character development.

Lastly, hop out of the kiddy pool, put on your grown up trunks and begin socializing with the grown folk. There’s a whole lot you can learn from the older generation that will give you the tools you need to sift through the nonsense that some females are ready to gift you with.

And here’s the thing, when you find a woman of value (and this is the initial inspiration of this whole post today), please, I BEG of you- invest in her. The fruits that you will reap afterwards will be exponential compared to the nonfactors you are currently dealing with. Proverbs 18:22 tells us that
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” It didn’t say “He who finds a bad B**** who can twerk has found himself a treasure”. Discard your fleshly desires and focus on that which will contribute to your genuine happiness and the longevity of your marriage in the long run.

Ok- final thought- Don’t be scared when you find that woman of value. And don’t be intimidated either. Ask God to equip you with His wisdom in order for you to be a spiritual pillar in her life. You are to desire to be purged of that which you were, and be willing to adopt the identity of the ultimate Master Teacher. But be honest with yourself- if you aren’t ready yet, please do not put yourself, or that woman, into a position where another wound is introduced that will delay this beautiful developmental experience.

Women?

Now, I’m not going to say much because I think I got out most of what I wanted to say to the men. But here it is- we women should be the ones who:

1) Direct our attention to the active pursuit of a GODLY man.
2) Prepare spiritually to be a helpmeet for the man.
3) Cater to the needs of our amazing Husbands (this does NOT mean be his slave, gals)
4) Be supportive of our men- this also includes understanding/respecting his ideas, and being sensitive to his needs.

I could actually go on and on, but I don’t think that’s necessary… for now.

I think that we women have made our men lazy. We have contributed in many ways to facilitating the adoption of various ideals that they currently hold. Because of many of OUR failed attempts, we now sit here- leaping and thirsting for all the wrong attention.

First of all, what we need to do as women is simply this-

STOP.

Stop pursuing the men. Stop doing the utmost for attention. Stop exposing our bodies (like I said- these are things that we are doing that are conditioning our men to accept these standards). Stop chasing after thug life because the thug life most definitely hasn’t and doesn’t need to choose us. Just stop woman.

I don’t understand why it is so difficult for us to be cognizant our worth, and to act accordingly. We are worth far more than the rarest of stones and storehouses of treasure… now… can we stop opening up our storerooms to those who only have the interest of looting that which is not theirs to begin with?

And I’m tired of this whole “there’s no good men out there” mentality. There are plenty of good, Godly men out there. You’ve just decided to turn a blind eye towards them and redirect your attention to the warty frog sitting on your doorstep with a bottle of peach ciroc and a handful of unwanted guests. WAKE UP!

Stop wasting time with those who’s actions don’t match up to the words that come out of their pieholes. Happiness awaits. And you’re taking too long getting ready.

My point is this, ladies. Before you get into a relationship, please, please recognize your worth. Don’t go around seeking for validation from another man because honestly? That’s when you WILLINGLY stomp your foot in the middle of a bear trap. Good luck recovering from that escapade.

Let the man work for you. and this is not to say – oh yeah, go around and be difficult and act like a complete fool- no. If you show him how serious you are about where you are headed in life, if he is a Godly man, he will respect that.

Challenge him to become aware of your worth. Then let him decide if he wants to be a part of the great successes that God already has in store for you.

Give him a peek at the blueprint of your empire. And if he isn’t a complete fool, he’ll want to tag along and offer his strength and commitment to helping you build it.

Pick a Lie, Any Lie.

I asked men on twitter yesterday, if they could get into the mind of a female, what is one thing they would like to know. I got one pretty legitimate response where one male wanted to know: “Are you telling me the truth at all times?”. Hmm. Ok. That’s a valid question that can be reverse back to the males as well.

The first thing that I want to make clear is the fact that the answer to this question really depends on who you’re talking to, honestly. You may meet a woman who isn’t all the way honest at all times because she doesn’t hold too much value on such a moral. Then on the flip side, you may meet a woman who makes it a point to keep honesty at the foundational basis of her relationship with her partner. So it really just depends who you’re dealing with.

Lyfe Jennings, an artist, has a song called “Hypothetically, Of Course”, and I think it deals with this principle of honesty in relationships. What do we say when we’re afraid to hurt the other person? Do we tell them, or do we keep it to ourselves? Let’s take a look at the lyrics:

“What if I broke our monogamous agreement
What if I told you I lied, but didn’t mean it
What if my one mistake
had the potential to break
up our happy home
Would you wanna know
What if I confessed it and though she didn’t mean nothing since it happened
You’re thinking about leaving
What if I suppressed it
and made a vow to never mess with another
Is it cool for me to smother the facts
Is it cool for me to cover my tracks
if you’d never know
Or would me not being honest hurt you more

The last part of this first verse is what stood out to me the most. In this song, we have two parties who are withholding some pretty pertinent information from each other. But because they are both afraid of “losing” or “hurting” each other, they speak in hypothetical terms, and ponder whether they should or should not just keep the information to themselves for the sake of keeping their family in tact (which we learn through the progression of the story line).

I can’t necessarily speak for women, in general, but I can speak in terms of our nature as humans, which, believe it or not, for both parties (male and female), can be very similar in many instances. For example. In regards to dishonesty, I’m sure that we can all say that we have lied at some point in our lives, for whatever reason. But is there a difference between a “white lie”- which is according to google is “A harmless or trivial lie, esp. one told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings”-, or a lie with more of a malicious intent? Or is a lie simply a lie, and what are the ethical implications?

Well, I can only tell you what I think. And here’s how I see it. I believe that there are only two categories of lies. One with a purposeful intent, and the other category just includes all other forms of lies from white lies, to big lies, to why-did-you-have-to-lie-when-you-really-didn’t-need-to-lie’s and so forth.

“Innocent” Lies: You’re planning a surprise party for one of your best friends. Key word: Surprise. So, this automatically registers in your mind that you have to keep what you’re doing a secret by all means necessary. So you’ll tell your friend that you’re going to work, when in reality, you’re actually going to pick up her cake. You’ll stuff all the gifts in a closet and nervously say “nothing” when they ask what you’re doing. These are all necessary lies (though I feel like in this case, the term “lie” seems too heavy of a word to use here) in order to plan a successful surprise party. I’m sure your best friend will appreciate all you’ve done for them when they really figure out what you’ve been up to (unless they despise surprises). “Lies” like these have no harmful intent, and upon revelation, do not stir up feelings of betrayal or disdain, and do not move the person to question every successive word that comes out of your mouth (except maybe around their next birthday).

“Protective” Lies: These are lies that we tell for the “protection” of others. When your friend looks a little on the heavy side in her leggings and you tell her she looks fine- LIE. When you comment on an Instagram pic of someone that doesn’t look too good, telling them that they look spectacular (just because they didn’t receive any “likes’ and you were trying to be nice)- LIE. When you tell people they’re “perfect the way they are” when they are 100lbs overweight- LIE. When you don’t tell your child that their father is dead, when in reality he is in solitary confinement for a murder he committed 20 years ago-LIE.

“Selfish” Lies: When her weave looks dirty, and you’re in a rush to get to where you’re going, but don’t want to wait for her to wash it so you don’t tell her how bad it looks when she asks- LIE. When you tell your girl that she looks good when she really doesn’t, only because you don’t want her to look better than you do.-LIE. Claiming you never did your homework when your classmate asks because you don’t want to help them.-Now you know you’re wrong for that. But we’re all guilty of these in some shape or form.

“Painful” Lies: Lies to cover up pain. When your homeboy asks if its alright for him to date your ex-girlfriend… and you say “Nah man, its all gucci”… -Now we KNOW that’s the biggest, fattest lie and 3/4ths. When you claim to be over your ex within the first 2 months of breaking up. LIE. When females say “I’m alright” “I’m fine” or “I don’t want to talk about it”- LIE. They’re not alright, they’re not fine, and they most definitely need someone to talk to.

“Booster” Lies: Booster lies are lies that you tell to make yourself look more appealing to the outside world. I.e. Females who claim to know basketball, when they know very well they need to go somewhere else with their tweets. Males/Females who claim to be “turnin’ up” at the club on the weekends, when they KNOW they’re gonna be at AY Friday night and teaching Sabbath school in church come Sabbath morning. Claiming to have “J’s for days” when in reality, you only have one pair. I think you get the memo.

The BOLD FACED Lie: Ok This is the lie that is probably most despised by everyone. Ever heard a lie that you KNOW for a fact cannot in a million years ever possibly be true? Here’s the kicker about bold faced lies- both parties know they aren’t true. Most times they’re so ridiculous that you can’t help but laugh hysterically upon hearing them. When a bold faced lie is told, it is usually followed by the following statements from the other party: “HOW YOU GON’ TELL ME..!” “LOOK ME DEAD IN THE FACE AND SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME..” “WHATCHU MEAN [insert accusation]..!!”.. or, the all too familiar “GET OUT MY FACE WITH THAT [insert expletive]” …. “COME ON SON..!” … or even a silence of unbelief, followed by a dumbfounded expression.

“Unspoken/Technical” Lies: And here’s the lie we all claim to “technically” not be a lie. For example. Your friend goes to a Lianne La Havas concert and doesn’t tell you- maybe because they didn’t feel like going with you, or maybe they were going with someone you didn’t like- but case in point- they didn’t tell you. Now, upon confrontation, you may say “why didn’t you tell me”, and they may retort- “Well you didn’t ask” when they knew for a fact that Lianne La Havas was your favorite artist, and you wouldn’t have missed the event for the world.. I would feel betrayed. I would feel some type of way. So yes, I do put this in the category of “unspoken” lies.

There was a line in “Hypothetically of Course” by Jennings that said:
“Are there some things better left unsaid
Or would you wanna know instead?”

Now, your confrontation is based off of finding out that your friend went to the concert without you. But what if you didn’t find out? Would it be better for them to have kept that piece of information to themselves? I mean, that would be ideal if they didn’t want to create confusion…

Perhaps a better example would be another scenario illustrated by Fantasia’s lines in Lyfe Jenning’s song:

“Well what if I told you that I had a confession
What if I said 4 years ago when we were arguing
he came to comfort me and I wound up pregnant
And I just can’t say for sure
if the baby’s yours
What if I confessed it and it turns out not to be your baby after you get tested
And it destroys what we’ve been blessed with
What if I suppress it ’cause technically you’re the baby’s daddy anyway
Is it wrong for me to want you to stay
Would you rather have me tear you away
From the only family you know
Or is this just too big a secret to keep it on the low

“Technically” the male in the story line is the Father. So “technically” there is no need to let the cat out of the bag just yet. Besides, it would destroy the lives of everyone in the life of the child. We wouldn’t want that, now, would we?

But wouldn’t you want to know if you were living a lie? This is why unspoken lies are probably one of the most dangerous of lies. Because the longer you wait, the more attachments form, the closer you get, and the harder it becomes to pry two fingers apart that have been attached together with superglue.

All in all, in reality, a lie is a lie. And it is better to speak up and deal with the repercussions now rather than later when it could be a bit harder. So tell your friend they’re a little on the heavy side. They might think you’re insensitive, but they’ll thank you later on down the line when they aren’t suffering from diabetes and other health issues. And don’t just tell them either, help them out. Be a support system. Same if your friend isn’t looking good when you hit the town. Don’t try to look better than your friend, please tell them when they look good- in all honesty, because believe it or not, your friends are also a reflection of you. Have you ever heard the saying, “Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are”? Ponder that. And ladies and gents? Speak up when you’re hurt. If you don’t feel comfortable with your friend dating your ex when they ask, then say so. If you’re hurt, say so. Don’t just tell everyone you’re “fine” when you’re not. You’re only going to be digging yourself into an abyss of unhappiness. Next, stop boosting yourself up to be someone you’re not. Be yourself and stick to that. No one wants to hang with a fraud. And lastly, refrain from technical lies. They damage more than they protect…

Krioulo word of the day: Lie- “Mentira” (men-tee-ruh)… and please roll your ‘r’s”.

Note: Lyrics taken from A-Z Lyrics
Stay groovy Y’all
-Alda.

 

*May 27 2013*

Not Good Enough.

Ideas for these blog posts come under the  most unusual of circumstances.

For example…

As I tuned into my iHeartRadio app while showering, (which, by the way, I prefer over pandora now, solely because I’m able to listen to it internationally, and as you all know, I’m currently oversees, so it works perfectly under this Brazilian wifi!) I thought about the people who I consistently saw posting pictures on instagram. Then I thought about attention seekers, and that narrowed down to coming to the realization that we all desire attention. From here, I thought, well. What’s the point? Why do we desire attention from others? I mean, there’s no monetary value, and it isn’t something that we can grasp tangibly, so, why do we so desire it? From here, this little budding idea sprouted to a topic that I would like to take the time to indulge in right now:

•                                         ‘Tis so sweet to possess the attention of the one you love.

Ahh… that feeling you get when he looks into your eyes and kisses you on the forehead… that mini heart palpitation you get when he shows up unexpectedly after class with a snack and a rose… finding a note on your windshield expressing how blessed he is to have you… -*record scratches*-

• Wait, this isn’t enough?

• His efforts aren’t… enough?

When did it become okay for us women to desire attention beyond that of our dearest beloved companion? You know, we’re all guilty of this. Posting up a picture that’s a little more revealing than it should be… tweeting relationship ads expressing all of our greatest qualities for any man who’s reading to contemplate- but concealing the fine print… and when we’re in relationships, there are some of us who even go as far as entertaining conversations with other guys, and try to hide it by deleting the messages so our boyfriends don’t find out… yeah. It’s a problem.

My thing is, when you are dating someone, there should not be a single soul that you should ever desire attention or validation from OUTSIDE OF your partner. First of all, if you cannot keep your eyes on your own paper, or your fork on your own plate- then don’t waste anyones time, therefore, do not dive head first into a relationship., or you will become paralyzed.

I’ve seen countless females walk away from an embrace with their significant other only to slide up into the men’s entertainment industry. I understand that you aren’t “married”so you are free to evaluate and observe your options, but the same principle still applies. If you can’t hold it together when you are dating, what makes you think this particular aspect about your character isn’t going to be magnified once you say ‘I Do’? Do my dude a favor, and let him rock.

Yeah. I don’t want to say too much today, as my posts can get a little lengthy at times. But my last words would have to be this: Ladies? Please return the same love and affection to your significant other, and stop attempting to please other men who you know are of no benefit to you. When a man loves, he loves hard, so please stop contributing to the mass pile of bitter, hurt, rebellious men. You know. The kind you tend to fall for but have “Impending Doom” plastered across their foreheads. But that’s another post … for another day.

Keep Kickin’- Stay Groovy.

-Alda.

*July 22, 2013*

Spoiled Goods.

           

 

Where to start, where to start, where to START? 

I’m sure we can all distinctly remember a time when the dynamics of our daily regimen took a bit of a shift when that certain someone was introduced to our life. You know- your phone was no longer dry… you began texting back and forth, you had phone conversations with them (if you’re lucky, because in this day and age, people don’t really do that anymore), but most importantly, they became a new element in the structure of your daily living.

And I bet you remember putting forth the best of yourself, because, you know, it’s always important to make a great and lasting first impression.

As time went on, both parties became a little bit more comfortable, and with that comfort came a sense of warmth that had both parties removing layers of themselves, getting closer to the point where the raw elements of one’s pneuma lay…

The more time you spent with this person, the closer you became, and thanks to your emotions, you became intertwined with the very essence of who they were, which now formed a new but excitingly familiar bond between the two of you…

You began as friends… but of course, through the process of getting to know them, an even higher purpose began setting into place. You were both aiming to determine the extent to which your compatibility would withstand the tests of a relationship…

Your familiarity with one another gave you a sense of comfort, so you finally stripped down to the second to last veil that ever so liberally graced your inner soul… and a true assessment was allocated to each party…

You see, up until this point, you’ve gone down your checklist to make sure if he had successfully executed each any every requirement that was needed to admit him to the next stage. He passed the investment stage. He passed the consistency stage. The intellectual stimulation stage. The hygienic stage.. etc. But now he’s at the point where he must conduct himself in a particular manner when faced with the stage in which your sensuality is found peaking out from an unlocked Pandora’s box. And so, you wait…

You know he’s attracted to your intellect. You know that he finds you to be a God fearing woman. And you know he’s attracted to you- physically. So. What keeps you at the top of his list when he begins to think about intimacy?

For starters, here’s one thing we need to keep in mind. Physical attraction is most definitely a must in a relationship. After all, it would be difficult later on down the line when you have to start a family with the other person. BUT- this factor should not override the other qualities that you need to consider when dating someone.

When it comes to men, we’ve already established that they’re visual beings. That being said, that is probably going to be one of the first things they hone in on when choosing a mate. But here’s the thing though- when a man becomes heavily attracted to your physique, though he may love other qualities about you, this may overshadow those important and valuable qualities that you have. And of course, this can be very detrimental to not only your relationship, but your spiritual stability as well. A man should be attracted to you physically. But if he considers this particular quality as icing on the cake, and not the cake in its entirety, then he should be able to respect the boundaries that must be set at the beginning of the relationship in order to keep both parties pure and emotionally in tact. Because we all know that the minute things get too intimate, the dynamics of the whole relationship shift drastically, and things get complicated.

So. In conclusion, ladies? Keep your goodies tightly wrapped and stowed away in a closet at room temperature. We all know that excessive heat spoils the goods- so you might want to keep that in mind the next time things get hot and steamy…

Keep Kickin. Stay groovy.

-Alda.