Growing Pains.

Today I realized: I’m growing up.

When I was kid, I always thought about what I would look and be like when I hit my twenties. I dreamt about what college would be like, and what kind of friends I would make throughout my collegiate experience. I thought about getting my own car and being able to drive it around wherever and whenever I liked. I thought about having a stable job and getting my own place, and drinking tea every morning in my sea breeze inspired loft or studio apartment, watching the sun peak its rays right above the tippity tops of apartment buildings from my sky high living room window.

I was excited to grow up. But then my senior year of college rolled around so quickly and I realized- that was where my dreams ended.

Growing up in a low income community, my lifelong goal was to just make it out of the “hood” and into a prestigious college or university. My parents were immigrants from the Cape Verde Islands who had an arranged marriage and who never had the chance to pursue higher education. So that was my job. Make it to college.

So here I am, somehow, some way, in my last semester of University with no post grad plan. What the heck do you do after you graduate college, when you know you should go to grad school, but for what? I did the only thing I knew I needed to do to occupy myself in the meantime, and that was to get a job.

Soon one job turned to two, and my free mornings turned to rushed [oh-my-goodness-I’m-going-to-be-late-and-my-students-are-going-to-think-its-a-free-for-all] kinda mornings, and next thing I knew, I had somehow decided it was time to build my credit, learn how to properly manage my finances, and start taking better care of my body. After all, I’m only getting older, and time is getting shorter.

I knew I reached a completely different state of living after I received a text from my friend asking me to “hang out”. What in the world does that mean? Alas, I discovered- I no longer have “time” for social events. My life has become consumed with lesson planning, grading, testing, caregiving, medicine administration, health watching, budgeting, credit building, lack of time for exercise, chiropractics, lack of energy and the list goes on, and on, and on. So much for joyrides and ginger spice tea filled mornings in my sea breeze loft.

So I stopped to think about what I thought my life “should” have been like now- how care free I’d be. How I would have met the love of my life by now and began pursuing the building of an empire together, how I would be starting my post graduate experience with God before me, a stable head on my shoulders, a cushiony savings account and financial independence- and the only thing I seem to have acquired by now is the acknowledgement of a God who’s thoughts are higher than mine, and who’s ways are not mine either.

So I’ve learned to take it all one day at a time. I didn’t know how I found myself working with intellectually challenged and/or disabled people, but God has shown me quite a bit about HIs love, dedication, care, sacrifice and selflessness through them. I still don’t know how I managed to have the privilege of teaching religion to a classroom filled with beautiful minds in the few short weeks after graduating, but here I am. I still may not be where I want to be now, or know where I’m going, but I know I’m exactly where I need to be.

Yeah, I may not know when I’m going to pursue my masters degree, or what specifically the Lord would have me to study and for why, but I know that along the way, just like Abraham, I’m being taken on a journey away from the promised land in order to acquire the necessary resources, skills, and character that I will need in order to possess the land that He has already promised. It’s not going to be an easy route- that part has already been revealed to me. But it will be a most trying, but fulfilling time of my life.

And who knows. Perhaps I’m going though all of this just so I can discover the art of couponing. Guess I’ll have to wait to find out.

Stay groovy, keep Kickin’

-Alda.

Compromises.

 

 

As I sat on my father’s new lazy boy mindlessly flipping through channels of garbage on my TV screen, I thought back over this past semester and how great it felt to be home doing abso-tootely nothing.

I remember counting down the days before I would make the 20 hour drive back to the Ocean State, and how I was looking forward to laying on our sandy beaches, catching up with friends, bullying my brother and annoying my parents. I can honestly say that proved to be a difficult task, seeing how “a watched pot never boils”, and I found myself aimlessly searching for any and everything else to do rather than the work I was supposed to be doing.

You know… like when I decided it was time to start working on my 12-page research paper after watching 5 episodes of Martin, and immediately made the executive decision that it was more necessary for me to cut up some grapefruit and get it in my belly before writing my paper. Pshht. How did anyone expect me to even THINK about writing my research paper when there was a juicy, luscious, delectable grapefruit waiting for me in the kitchen?

And after finishing the grapefruit, I most definitely had to reward myself for all of the work I had accomplished by listening to some Anita Baker and Lianne La Havas. Watching TV shows and eating fruit are truly strenuous activities that have been proven to be seriously draining.

But..

My heart sank when I peeped my little radio clock.

It was 10:59… PM.. and my paper was due at, oh *coughs* 11am.

Oh, not to worry, I’ll just-

*Skype call*

Oh. This call was important. Turns out my best friend was going through some pret-ty heavy guy troubles. So it was up to me to shift into heroic best friend mode and save the night.

…

What a lengthy introduction. I shall now get to the meat.

What you’ve just read could, on the surface, be perceived as procrastination. But I prefer to view them as compromises. Throughout this academic year (and those passed as well), I found myself making entirely too many compromises that were hindering my achievement and success in the very things that were required of me. I knew that to become a competent and useful member of service to my society, of course it was necessary to complete my academic work and to do it well, just like everything else that is of value in this life. But I was letting entirely too many things photobomb the picture of achievement that I believe God set me on the path towards.

This was not only in the academic sense, but in the intimate details of the fabric of this old quilt, called my life. I saw that through compromises that I made through the “little things” in my life, I was conditioning myself to compromise in the bigger, more private aspects of my existence, namely on the relational level.

Let me explain.

Instead of studying for my exam, I would spend more time socializing with my friends. Instead of creating scaffolds for my presentations, I would rather take a spontaneous trip to an undisclosed location and allow my over analytical mind run rampant through the clutter of worry plaguing my frontal lobe. I would let my thoughts toy through bins of film reels containing old strategies in the pursuit of bliss, and pray through lists of my greatest fears, and turn over the meaning of love through my mind only to end up at the meaning of grace, and how unworthy I was to receive it.

As the suns rays caressed the soft blues and made way for satiny scarlet and flushed coral, I realized that I had been losing chunks of my personality, and that the essence of Aldavina was being chipped away to reveal one who was slowly caving into the ideas of external sources. As one who had become weak enough to allow her being to dissipate from pores that had become permeable and malleable by people who didn’t really know her well enough to understand the extent to which their eight letter phrase was blockaded by the Great Wall off Alda.

I found myself removing the silky shawl of my morals, values and beliefs and exposing myself to the abrasive elements of the awaiting climate of intimate bleakness.

Shortly before I could completely disrobe myself of everything I knew Aldavina to be, I was awakened from my trance by the concept of grace, and experienced how it came through to put together that which had been dismantled, and instill within me the beauty of hope.

Now, many people reading this will probably not completely understand the full extent of what I have just revealed here. But I will leave you with this-

It is better to emit color by preserving ones morals in the face of hostile spectators, than it is to lose oneself by compromising to fit into anyone else’s fancifully constructed silhouette of how you should be.

 

Stay groovy, Kcep Kickin’

-Alda.

Future Tense.

Future Tense.

 

Scores and scores

Of immeasurable pain

Have graced the canvass

of my existence.

 

Adversity and deleterious recalls

spew forth

From my acquired synthetic,

feminist mane.

 

I do not know what it takes

to fertilize A potential

neonatal affection,

But I desire that Yahweh sees fit to birth-

An inseparable, attainable connection,

That’ll erase my venomous recollection,

And unveil the scarlet curtains of protection,

And in the understanding of my heavenly election,

Putting away the past misconception

That I’ve held towards all men.

 

Through my identity in the Most High,

I have been initiated into the laboratory

Of the beginning stages of what it is to love.

Of what it is to relinquish embedded pride-

And yield to the opposing tide

That desires to encompass around my every side

That I may be strengthened by God to be able to abide

In Him.

 

The flaming adversary within me

generated by my own self,

will only then be crushed

and make way for vulnerability.

And peace,

And bliss,

And inestimable joy

And will then be able to round the sharp edges of my being,

Encasing my priceless gift

In a precious vessel of beryl emerald,

Sealed with divine light,

Only to be exposed by the one who desires closeness with Elohim.

 

 

And though the journey be long,

And the sands of time fade,

May Yahweh’s love abound

unhindered by self indulgence,

and fleshly desires,

societal pressures,

and unabashed liars.

 

Stay Groovy. Keep Kickin’

-Alda.

Gay Marriage?

I’m fully aware that I might get a lot of heat for this post, but I do believe that I may as well touch upon some relevant issues that are filtering through society. I do insert a disclaimer at this moment: Keep an open mind. Set aside your biases and presuppositions when reading this text because emotions can fuel the most negative of responses. So. I challenge you to simply read what I’m going to say, let it marinate, and if needed you may so choose to respond. I will promise you that I will not respond to responses that are nothing short of impulsively emotional bigotry. 

You know, there has been a longstanding debate about this issue of Gay Marriage vs Religion. So I just want to take the time to share a few thoughts about what I think about this whole thing.

Fundamentally and biblically speaking, from the beginning of time, it is made clear that marriage was an institution set in place by God when he joined male and female together. Here is what we can assert from the original institution of marriage:

1) The parties were of opposite sexes: Male and female (Genesis 2:22).
2) The original marital covenant and “ceremony” (not a literal marriage ceremony, but I mean more so in terms of the unification of two parties) was presented at the inception of creation by God, who created this concept of unity amongst the two parties (Genesis 2:22-24).
3) I believe that when God created man and woman, He created them in His own image (Genesis 1:26, 27), reflecting the same elements of submission as seen in the Godhead (Father, Son and Holy Spirit as One). Though man and woman are two distinct elements, they are “joined together as one”, which allows us to better understand how man and woman, two different flesh, can be joined together in unison, and how that also reflects how the 3 elements of the Godhead can be joined as one- Father, Son and Holy Spirit as One.
4) Therefore, we can already see that this original marital covenant was a) established by God and b) since it was established by God, He was the one who set the parameters on this concept of “marriage”.
5) If God created marriage, and He set the parameters on what marriage is, then He is the ultimate defining factor of what is meant by “marriage” between two parties.

So what are these parameters?

6) Well, for one, we see that in the beginning of time, man and woman (opposite sexes) are the model conceptual frameworks for this notion of marriage. So what does that mean for us in todays society?

Well:
a) Since we have now established the marital covenant as one instituted by God, we can assert that He is the one who has already set the parameters as to what marriage is, and because He is God and has the final word, these parameters remain unchanged, and for those who believe in Christ and the Word of God, then these are the brackets in which we abide.

For example.

Let’s say, for illustrational purposes sake, that I create a paper shredder, right. So I invent this shredder that shreds whatever size of paper that your little heart so desires to shred. The purpose of  this shredder was to shred paper. Now. If you so decide one day to shred, let’s say, a transparency sheet (the kind they use for overhead projectors), and you say, oh my, this shreds transparency sheets too! Does that change the initial purposes of my invention? Because clearly I invented a paper shredder to shred paper- and not plastic.

Now why would I invent a shredder that can have dual uses? Now let’s explore the implications of such a concept.

a) I, the inventor, created a paper shredder to shred paper.
b) You, the purchaser of my invention, decide to use the shredder for purposes that are outside the initial intent of use of my invention.

Little do you realize- I created the paper shredder to shred paper and not plastic, because the system through which the paper is fed into and shredded generates an increasing heat flow with the repeated use of the device. So. Continue to shred plastic, and you’ll see that 1) the paper shredder will no longer be able to shred paper anymore 2) Plastic will begin to melt, stick and dry within the device, not allowing you to continue to shred more plastic transparency films even if you so chose to stick to that method of shredding.

Now let’s drive the point home. If God instituted marriage, He set it in place with specific parameters in which we are to abide by. Therefore, marriage is God’s “invention”, and we are simply disobedient to the initial purpose of what was already instituted in one way. Whatever we therefore produce as a result, is simply a counterfeit replica with a dysfunctional purpose.

What I’m saying is, to sit here and try to redefine a concept built into the very fold of Christian living is to not only assert that what God has instituted is not “good enough”, but to give it a meaning that is apart from its own. 

What does this mean for us?

I believe that if homosexual “marriage” wants to be deemed as such, it should be set apart from God’s original intent, which is directly oppositional to the idea of homosexual marriage. Therefore, in order to not blend God’s initial inventions and not disregard the “Instructors manual”, let’s not create a fine line between what God’s will is and what our will is. Let us not attempt to alter the word of God from its original meaning because- who can alter the lasting Word of the God who created the entire existence of life as we know it? Who is more qualified to alter the documents than God himself?

And this brings me to a note that I want to stick in here before I close out. To say that not acknowledging homosexual marriage as a marital covenant by Religious leaders/people of faith is discriminatory, is a completely invalid argument, considering the fact that marriage was originally set in place by God, and God’s moral law are the scaffolds of which our country was built upon. So let us ditch that argument. If homosexuals want to get married, and society is in support of such a concept, then it must be understood that the unity between those two parties must not be forced upon religious leaders and deemed discriminatory if they do not consent, but should be recognized as another form of union, not a “marriage” per se, because marriage was created by God for the purposes of two people. 

God is not in support of homosexual marriage- that is clear throughout the bible. And if you want to completely disregard Christianity because it does not fit into your particular lifestyle, then your beliefs are simply built upon what is accommodating for you. But God doesn’t only speak against homosexuality- he speaks about idolatry, lustful desires, murder, witchcraft/sorcery, stealing, abuse of our bodies etc. etc. Sin is sin, period. We must understand that God loves us, but He does not love sin. God takes us as we are, but does not leave us as we are. Therefore, in Christ, we are made into new beings through the belief and faith in Him. The gospel makes us uncomfortable. But that is its purpose. We are immoral beings, and are always subjected to the devices of Satan, so we must really be careful. And through faith and acceptance of Christ, we can stand victorious over any sin that makes us feel good or feel comfortable. 

*By the way, I can only speak for myself here- just because you’re a homosexual, does not mean that youare being discriminated against when this topic of Religion vs Homosexuality is brought into the frame. Homosexuality is what is not accepted- not you. So yes, as a Christian, do I approve of your lifestyle? No. Do I love you? Yes. Does God love you, unconditionally? Yes. End of story.*

And faith in God? That’s another topic. This whole post centers upon and finds validity within the parameters of faith in God, which is not understood by many, and therefore rejected by most. I encourage you all to study the scriptures for yourselves, and if you sincerely have doubts about the existence of God or don’t really understand the point, ask Him to reveal Himself. And I assure you, He will.

But also remember- God will never eliminate doubt from our minds. These are which we find the grounds for belief in Him. Regardless of your current standing, know that whatever you seek you will find. If you seek God, you will find HIm. If you search for evidence against Him, you shall. But such is the same with gossip- just because someone says something about you and others feel like they have sufficient grounds to believe the claim, doesn’t mean that is is necessarily true.

Seek God. Prepare to be convicted.

Stay Groovy, Keep Kickin’.

-Alda

Leeches.

Look around.

What kind of people are a part of your life?

Some of us find ourselves so deeply rooted into the soil of dysfunction that we become used to the dysfunctional arteries that support us in our environment of total chaos. Take some of the people we surround ourselves with, for example. When we look at our lives through the analytical lenses of maturation, we know that we don’t need to be tied down in that relationship with that man/woman that we know for a fact will not commit solely to us.. we know we don’t need to be around that friend who compels us to spontaneously engage in behaviors we otherwise would not have participated in.. we know that person over there is inhibiting our growth- stifling our aspirations, bursting any last globule of inspiration- choking the very essence of the dreams that we etch into our being.

Point blank- there are a whole bunch of us hanging around all the wrong kinds of people.

I don’t think many of us realize the true potential energy that is embodied in every cell of our being.. For most of us, it takes loosening those bonds with those ruinous types of people- and this causes us to be propelled into a temporary state of discomfort because, well, they were the ones on which we relied upon for “nutrition”. But if you consistently subsist upon negative sources of sustenance, well. Just be prepared to suffer the consequences when they begin to take a detrimental toll on your body. You are the things you allow those around you to feed into your conscience.

I guess what I’m trying to say is very simple. Eliminate those people who are not edifying to your life. Those people who are hindering your growth and maturation. Those who are holding you back from accomplishing amazing tasks in your life, and ultimately, those who are barring you from the prospect of true success.

I can’t possibly stress how important it is to surround yourself with those who are in the pursuit of exuding the character of Christ. These are the kind of people that will be able to help counsel you through the darkest moments of your life. The kind who will have the capacity to lift you up out of secluded abyss’s that have been strategically placed on your avenue. The kind that care more about the storage of your most valued possessions in heavenly lock boxes than in the glove compartment of your unlocked car.

If that didn’t paint an accurate picture, just envision who will be amongst the first response crew to help you clean up when feces hit the fan.

-Alda.